I can see it in your face

I'm baaaaaackkkkkkkkkkkk.. with good news!

2009-09-07T16:53:00.003-04:00

I know, I know, I've been an inconsistent blogger. I guess I've felt a little more hands on than theoretical. Good news is that it's paying off.

Guess who's lost 75 lbs? You stand correct. It be me.

Just another 25 to go before I hit goal!!!!!!!!!!

I've been spending quite some time thinking about what I'd like to do career-wise. While I'm willing to return to school, I haven't quite found the direct route to what I want to do. Ideally, I'd like to be somewhat of a Weight Watcher leader but not contracted to Weight Watchers and more on an individual level. I'd really like to work with people that have struggled with food issues and help them towards a happier and healthier life. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears and eyes.

Happy Labour Day everyone!!!

Almost out of the plateau

2009-07-20T09:27:00.003-04:00

I was down 2.2 lbs at the last meeting. This is good news for me as I'm now .2 away from hitting 70 lbs. I was a bit disapointed that it was a mere .2 away, but better next week where I can know that I'm safely in and not just on the nose. I've been juggling the same numbers for months and I'm just fed up. The only person responsible for this is me and I've got to kick it up and get out of this funk. I keep losing and gaining the exact same lbs over and over. The longer I keep doing this, the longer I'm financially tied to WW and that much longer from goal.

Next week will be celebratory. IT'S ONNNN!!!!!

I'm a Twitter'er

2009-07-10T13:09:00.002-04:00

Just an FYI, for those that are on Twitter. You can follow me @butterfli8

Have a great weekend!

Where does the time go?

2009-07-08T08:36:00.003-04:00

Thank you to those who sent me messages to check in! While I've neglected my blog, I'm still moving full steam ahead with my fitness routine and eating. Granted, there are always some bumps along the road, but I'll still keep on going.

I promised myself that I would see this through the end, and I will. I've changed b.c.p pills twice in the last month and have caused some internal chaos. The initial prescription left me feeling exhausted, bloated, withdrawn, depressed, the list goes on. As a result, my weight hit a plateau. No matter how well I stayed on plan, the numbers were not budging. I've been on the newest prescription for about a week now and I'm starting to feel more like myself again. I'm definitely not the social butterfly that I usually am but slowly I'm starting to peek out of the shell I grew and venture back into my social life.

Since I haven't peaked at a single blog in over a month, I've got some major reading and catching up to do.

I'm back and pumped!

2009-05-30T13:36:00.002-04:00

I realize it's been a little while since my last post. Last weeks' w.i had me down .06, todays' had me up 3 lbs. This is a result of too much partying, laryngittis, a back injury that had me out of the gym for a week ( I took a little tumble) and eating birthday cake for breakfast. Todays' meeting was all about motivation and remembering why we signed up and where we want to be. Our homework was to write out a list of Top 10 Reasons You Want to Lose Weight. Here's mine, in no order of importance:

1. To have a positive self-image

2. To be one of those girls with a 'rockin bod

3. To finally have my permanent clothing and not just transition pieces

4. Top of my physical fitness, to truly be the best I can be

5. To have an added abundance of energy

6. To complete what I've started and not give up 75% of the way there

7. To not be the fat girl

8. To not fear rejection because of my body size

9. To say buh-bye to thigh chaffing

10. To feel good in my skin

I might come back and modify some of these reasons, but for now this is what I'll hold myself to to make sure I get there. If I can do it, anyone can.

Adios water retention!

2009-05-17T19:40:00.002-04:00

I was down 6.2 lbs yesterday, so I've cancelled out that evil,evil gain. Food & "beverages" have been a challenge as it's birthday central this fine long weekend. I have a BBQ with the whole family at my parents house tomorrow, another birthday supper on Tuesday night, and then my very own birthday next Friday. I went out for breakfast with a friend of mine from the Weight Watchers meetings so it was easy to stay on track and make wise choices when you have that kind of company.

Let's see if I can at least stay the same this week. New work out is in effect. I love it, but my arse hurts :)

That's all folks. Gonna go read up on my bloggies!

My hormones hate me

2009-05-09T12:16:00.002-04:00

Today had to have been the worst W.I ever. I was prepared for it, but nothing can turn this frown upside down. I had a perfect WW week. I tracked, I stayed within my points, exercised like a mad woman, and I was up..... 6 lbs. I know it's water retention, I know it'll go away, I just can't help but feel completely and utterly depressed.

My whole body is aching from the fluid retention and it seems toilet paper commercials are able to bring tears to my eyes today. Bring on the pamprin! If the retention persists, I'll go see my doc & ask them to switch the meds. I can't live like this.

I'm not going to let this get me down. I could have said " to hell with it all" and ate whatever I wanted and sat on my couch like a bump on a log, but I didn't. Things could have been a lot worse.

Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely - Author unknown. This would have been a great quote had I sabotaged my week so I'll remember to refer back to this post in the future. Hope everyone had a far better week than I had!

Tuesday update

2009-05-05T10:49:00.002-04:00

Well, I couldn't expect the weight loss roll to continue so perfectly. I was up 2.2 lbs at last Saturdays W.I. I'm somewhat ambivalent about it. Normally I'd be a little frustrated, but it seems I'm just used to the process. What is frustrating me is that the #'s on the scale seem to have risen since Saturday as well. I've started a new B.C.P after a two-year hiatus so that's most likely what's triggering it. We'll see how the rest of the week pans out. I've still got quite some time to make this week work.

I've been kind of neglecting my blogging. I've had my nose is some books and they seem to be occupying most of my free time. I'm off to see how everyone has been doing.

post-week end update

2009-04-27T06:44:00.004-04:00

My week end was wild. Kind of reminded me of that SATC episode where they all go out and meet sailors. Going to WW Sat morning on 3 hrs of sleep while still feeling pretty intoxicated was quite amusing (not to mention hard on the ears). The replacement leader is quite the loud talker so as you can imagine the meeting was a little uncomfortable. I was down 1.6 lbs, so I'm pretty happy about that. Turns out the week before I stayed the same.

I don't know why this annoyed me, but replacement leader was chit chatting with me after she weighed me in, freaked on how much weight I've lost, and then starts offering tips. Yes, I know, that's what they're paid to do, but at this stage in the game I think I've got the hang of it. She was offering food suggestions like " have you tried egg whites" or " have you ever bought frozen fruit". Maybe this conversation would have been interesting a year and a half ago, but I could actually be giving her words of wisdom in the food dept. I've lost more than double what she has (not that it's a competition, just a statement) and I'm pretty sure I've heard of egg whites. I did find out that our regular leader will be coming back next week so I'm just stoked.

What I asked her was where do I find the old me from last year who wouldn't bite like or taste anything without writing it down. Where is the girl that wrote points values on all the food and had the portions already seperated & measured? I don't entirely miss that obsessive lifestyle. I think it's a normal stage when anyone begins WW but as time goes on, you get more and more comfortable and you realize that you needn't obsess. This is a permanent lifestyle change, and I certainly don't want to be permanently writing all over the food I buy.

I've got another 25-30 lbs to go and nothing is going to stop me but myself. I've promised myself that I wouldn't give up or stop 90% of the way (which I've been known to do) and finish what I've started.

Tired Tuesday

2009-04-21T22:05:00.003-04:00

I didn't look at my book from last weeks' weigh in. I just didn't want to know. I was watching the scale and I wasn't to thrilled. Now granted, I had a huge loss the week prior so I could only expect a minor gain regardless of my efforts. I usually strongly encourage myself and others to know the facts and move on. I was in such a great mood that I didn't want to cloud my happiness. I'm working on not being so scale obsessed.

Have been working my arse out every day and loving it. Today's workout was a little weak. I must have been tired or didn't have enough protein as I really couldn't keep up with my usual pace. I was sweating buckets and felt like I was going no where.

I wonder what my body is trying to tell me.

I've been trying to look up the answer to this online but with no results. A few hours post-workout, my body temperature seems to drop and I get chills. I'd really like to find out why, but all of the information I've found online is suggesting that it's sweat related. The chills occur well after my workout, shower, and dinner. What makes me so cold? What can I do to avoid this?

I'm hoping blogland will have some answers :)

Welcome to the 70's

2009-04-11T11:00:00.005-04:00

I decided to switch things up this week and it worked. Even though the foods I was eating were within my points range, my body was used to the daily menu. I also changed my workout schedule to going after work instead. I went to the gym three times this week instead of five.

I was down 4.8 lbs this week, so after a lonnnnnnnnggggggggggggg time in the 80's, I weighed in at 177 this morning. Goal is getting so much closer!

The only thing that comes to mind that I'm not too thrilled with is the thought of losing another food point. Somehow doesn't feel rewarding: " Hey, you lost weight and now you get to eat even less!". I cancelled out this thought with the fact that dropping a dress size as being the huge reward.

I'm a very tired and happy camper and am off to take a nap. The long week end has resulted in a lot of nights out and time with family. I'm running on three hours sleep right now and I'm feeling it!

Happy Passover & Happy Easter everyone!

Gloomy Monday

2009-04-06T11:38:00.002-04:00

Nothing crazy to report. Stayed the same this week W.I wise. I think I should get a new scale. All week it seemed that I was going to have a great week. My scale at home showed 3lbs down, so you could imagine my disapointment when I weighed in and was told that I stayed the same.

It's a dark and rainy day Monday. We've fallen back to close to the freezing point. Mother Nature sure likes to play tricks on us :)

Gimme a pound!

2009-03-29T20:34:00.003-04:00

Another -.04 for this weigh in. I'll take it. Anytime I lose while Tom is in town is a great one for me. I had two birthday dinners this week and went to the gym 3 times instead of my usual 5. Next week will be a very very good weigh in. I am 2 lbs away from getting out of this "decade" and I'm going to do it. I was kind of hoping that yesterdays' meeting would have been free to make up for the lack of a leader last Saturday. They gave us vacation vouchers, which is nice enough. Apparently now you only get two vacation coupons when you first sign up and that's it. If I'm not mistaken, you used to get one every eight weeks.

I made some delicious 2 point muffins. I took a box of lemon cake mix, 1 can of diet sprite, and a cup of blueberries. Mixed all together, baked in the oven, and voila- deliciousness. I had quite the productive Sunday. I went to the gym in the morning, cleaned up my place, did 3 loads of laundry and ran errands with friends. On our way around town, we all came to the conclusion that we were starving. The driver opts for Burger King. After reading the menus and the caloric information, my friend and I shared a combo. I forget what they're called, but they're these mini-burgers. One combo gives you four, a fry, and a drink. We split it and it was plenty. I might have had all of 6 fries and my two two-bite burgers so all in all could not have been more than six points.

It has probably been over a year since the last time I ate Burger King, and will most likely be another until the next visit. Wasn't all that delicious as I remembered, and I could think of many,many other things I'd like to have in the place of BK.

Off to catch up on my blog reading!

I want to be a leader

2009-03-21T12:46:00.004-04:00

I was down .04 lbs this week. I'm kind of frustrated with these miniscule gains and losses. I'm tracking, eating the right stuff, and am going to the gym religiously. Why can't I lose a normal amount of weight? I know I know, muscle mass. Everyone keeps telling me "muscle weighs more than fat, you know".

A pound of feathers weighs the same as a pound of bricks. The size of one pound of feathers in contrast to a pound of bricks is different, so essentially what I'm doing is just condensing my mass.

I'd really like to get out of the 80's. It's so close I can taste it. I'm just fed up of teetering around the same numbers. I'm going to try shaking up my diet this week to see if that will help.

On another note, this week's meeting was quite "interesting". The leader never showed up. Our regular leader has taken some time off and we've had a replacement for the last few weeks. The "weigh in" ladies did not know who the leader was supposed to be and were just as surprised as we were.

Instead of leaving, we made our own meeting and it was a lot more entertaining than the last few weeks with the replacement. I already knew what this weeks' topic would be from a friend of mine who goes to the Thursday night meeting so we just spoke about triggers, what to do when you don't have the tools that you need, and the best: what would you eat for the rest of your life if you could not eat anything else. The meeting actually ran a half hour longer just because of that topic alone.

One of the women there got pretty emotional when we finally realized that a leader would not be showing up. Her eyes welled up with tears and she said " You know, we all get up so early in the morning to come here and do something better for ourselves. We do this to improve our health, our general well-being, and we pay for this. We rely on this meetings to keep us going. I'm not concerned about being compensated for the lack of meeting, but am simply discouraged that I didn't have my weekly motivation".

Hopefully the meeting that we improvised helped. It made me realize all the more how it would be something I'd love to do once I reach goal. I would love to work for Weight Watchers part-time and help other people. That is definitely an added incentive to get there!

Trying out Windows Live Writer

2009-03-18T17:37:00.001-04:00

Just wanted to see if this tool was at all efficient. Having a great O.P week. Nothing crazy to report (thankfully). Gym bunny is hopping along- ha ha!

I think this guy goes to my gym. Correction, lives there.

I’m not quite sure why anyone would want to look this way. I can’t imagine being addicted to body building. Could you imagine having muscle-induced thigh chaffing?

Saturday Weigh In

2009-03-14T19:37:00.007-04:00

I was up .6 for this weeks' W.I. I'm not even upset about it because I know exactly what caused it. I ate like a fool last Friday, and spent every day at the gym this week trying to get rid of the evidence. Both Saturdays and Sundays were insane workouts. I spent 3 1/2 hrs each day there, which amounted to 1200 calorie burn offs each day. The rest of the week I just continued with my usual hour in the morning.

It was a quiet Friday night in, I rented some movies and popped by the grocery store for some dinner items. I ended up buying a ristorante pizza (those delicious Dr. Oetker ones)with the intention of only cooking part of it. Well, the obvious part is that I ended up eating the entire thing to myself, drinking an obscene amount of diet coke, and thawing out some two-bite brownies that were hiding in the freezer. Who knew those things were 140 calories! I did up my weights by 2.5 kg on most of the equipment so I could claim that there's some added muscle mass that may be this weeks' guest on the scale show.

Went to the movies Saturday night, brought along some Weight Watchers pretzels, and we bought our own candy. I picked up a single serving-sized bag of Swedish Berries. Better than a chocolate bar, right? WRONG. I ate the berries thinking I was having a light guilty snack but I was so wrong. Later on that night I took out the crumpled wrapper from my purse to read the nutritional info. Ready for this? 240 calories!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There's approximately 20 little gummies in the bag. Sneaky little devils! I would have thought 80 cals at most. I guess this was a reality check that I needed:make sure there's money in the bank before writing a cheque.

Had another crazy workout today and I'm dead tired. I'm supposed to go to the movies again tonight and you can bet I won't be buying any Swedish Berries! I'm supposed to go out bar hopping after, but I have to do some new software testing for work and the testing starts at 4:00 a.m. In theory, I could drag my butt from the bar to my computer. The reality: I do have to be alert and sober.

Really pumped for a successful week. Our leader will be away for an undisclosed period of time and I'm not the replacements biggest fan. She talks quite a bit about herself and I miss the class participation. A lot of people are feeling the same. I may just go W.I on Thursday night instead, but I'd be losing a W.I day.

So despite a teeny weeny gain, I had an on point "business week" and was a little gym bunny.
Happy week end everyone!

The Hungry Monster won't mess with Blueberry

2009-03-09T17:50:00.003-04:00

Very impressed with Miss Blueberry @ http://aberryblueberryblog.blogspot.com/2009/03/777-gone.html

Looks like the scale rolled in some lucky numbers for her and she deserves an applause.

Please stop by her blog and spread some cheer. She's so very humble & honest and I read every post.

All better

2009-03-06T19:32:00.003-05:00

I can't believe how long it's been since my last post- I'm getting sloppy! I`ve been thinking about everyone here and wondering how you`ve been doing weight loss/workout/motivation/everything-wise.

It took me a full week to get over my bug. I dragged my congested head in to WW last Saturday and was mildly surprised (relieved may actually be a better adjective) to find out that I was only up 1 lb. The freakishly alarming #'s that I spoke of earlier appeared to be around the 5+ range. I figured this could just be due to the added weight I was carrying around in my sinuses. I seemed to have been going through a box of tissue every day. I'm so thankful that's over!

Went to Weight Watchers at lunch today to weigh in and was down 2 lbs. I'm very happy and am inching my way closer to being out of this weight "decade". I've got a mild case of the when-will-winter-end blues and have been feeling kind of bummy. My workload is getting lighter and although I'm grateful for this, not to mention the fact that I work in the financial sector and I still have a job, but I still feel a little glum. I don't feel appreciated at the office. I've been putting in a ton of extra hours and I've been pretty much carrying the workload of five people. I do this because I care about what I do and I want to make sure our clients are well taken care of, but at the same time it would be really nice to get a mere thank you from my manager or some sort of acknowledgement for my efforts. Something as simple as "your hard work is appreciated" is all it takes. I'm not asking for a raise, or a big song and dance, but just a little appreciation would make all the difference.

To some extent, I feel like because I've shown them just how much I can do and am a constant over-achiever that I've somehow set this expectation from management. Even though others can get away with doing the bare minimum, I'm depended on to exceed and carry the weight. If one day I'm working at 190% instead of my average 200, eyebrows are raised.

Ah, I'll stop whining. The grass is pretty green on my side, I've just got to stop looking at everything in black and white.

Springs around the corner, I'll start to feel alive again. The countdown to flip flops begins!

sickies

2009-02-23T08:58:00.002-05:00

I'm off from work today. The tickle in my throat last night developed in to OMV (old man's voice). It hurts to breathe,cough,talk etc. My whole body is aching. Felt strange to call in sick. It's not something I ever do. Was hoping I could make it in to March without catching a winter cold. Ah well.

The scale is showing some freakishly alarming numbers. At least I'm not hungry! Today will be a day of tea and rest. Hopefully I'll be back in good enough shape tomorrow.

Rawrrrr!!

2009-02-21T12:45:00.002-05:00

Up .8. I know it could just be muscle gain, or water retention from TOM's imminent arrival, but it still has me growling! Just frustrating when you're on track and you're working out 5 days a week.

Oh well! I'm not going to let this throw me over. I had two weeks of nice numbers so next week will be even better.

I weighed in Friday morning because I knew I'd be going out last night and I wanted to be able to sleep in today, as much as I love my 9:00 a.m. Saturday W.I's. I may or may not have had 3-4 smirnoff ice's. I may or may not have indulged in finger foods at the bar such as calamari, cheese and bread, and pickles. I may or may not have had a big mac combo at 3 a.m. either or too.

I may or may not be rather upset with myself for allowing myself to eat such junk. I have absolutely no restraint while under the influence (when it comes to food choices).

I am definitely going to eat well today. I am certainly going to the gym this afternoon. I am most likely going to just get over what I did and realize that I can indulge every so often. A year ago, I would have had no qualms with any of it! I did eat well during the day on Friday so it's not completely terrible!

Today is a fresh start. Cheers to being on track! - and yes, that's a glass of water I'm holding up!

Still truckin'

2009-02-17T08:33:00.003-05:00

I've been a terrible blogger lately. I work such long hours and send about 100 e-mails a day out that I hardly feel like writing at the end of it. Thankfully, the workload seems to be lessening and I'm starting to see the light.

I was down 1.8 on Saturday which is just great. I've lost more weight in the last two weeks than I have December/January combined. I'm definitely officially back in the groove of things and I'm pumped. I've been thinking a lot lately about where I am in my life and where I want to be. I'm going to really buckle down and keep focused. I wanted to be at goal by May. I've now realized that May is really just around the corner, and it while it is possible, losing another 40 lbs by then is just unrealistic and unhealthy.

My goals aren't really all about the number on the scale anymore. I'm focused on challenging myself physically to be in the best shape my body can be, as well as eliminating a large percentage of processed foods and eating a more natural diet. Sugar substitues and 100 calorie packs have been a great crutch for getting me where I am today, but again, they're crutches and I want to eliminate them from my diet. I've got to rid myself of the training wheels!

Still going to the gym Mon-Thur in the morning, and then again on Saturdays. Feels great. Been doing a lot of cardio and really working the triceps. I don't want to have flappy arms so I'm doing what I can to eliminate the dammage I've done and prevent any further. I can already see definition in my biceps. Who knew there were muscles under there!

And bless this machine: Wave . Wanna have some killer thighs & buns? This baby will do it!

Ok, I'm seriously going to go catch up on my blog reading.

All work and no play makes me... lose weight!

2009-02-07T18:22:00.008-05:00

Saturday Mornings' Weigh In, in the words of Borat, was a Great Success! I was down 4.6 this week! I haven't seen these kind of numbers in months! Thrilled is I! This is just the type of result I needed to see to keep me motivated.

Here are some wedding pics from December. I can already see a visible difference in my appearance since then.

'Tis the season to go crazy fa la la la la.....

2009-02-04T16:58:00.002-05:00

If it wasn't for going to the gym in the morning, I'd be one unhappy camper. The Y keeps me sane. I've been basically working round the clock thank you tax season. Clients have received there statements and only now have realized that the market took a hit and want to know why and where and who. BOO. I work from 8-4 at the office, and then log back in at home until I go to bed around 11. It's a bit crazy but someone has got to do the work. I am proud to say that my runners are on the treadmill at 6:15 a.m. sharp. I need this and will continue to go. It's now part of my routine.

Been sticking to the plan. Eating well, and well, working my ASS off- literally. I was up 1.8 lbs last week which was slightly discouraging because I tracked,worked out and followed the plan to a T. This is the first time where I could say that I honestly did do everything and still gained. The answer to that equation is simple: (eating the allowed points) + (tracking all my points) - (TOM)-(a new fitness routine) = GAIN.

I've been monitoring the scale at home and looks like this Saturday's W.I will be a good one.

Back to work for me- but first I must catch up on my blog reading/commenting.

It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A... SING IT WITH ME!

2009-01-27T11:20:00.003-05:00

My mojo has been returned- in better condition! Oh how I missed it! I joined the Y on Saturday, and have been every day since! I went both Sat & Sunday and have gone before work yesterday and today as well. I plan to continue for the rest of the week.

Waking up before the paper hits the door is a challenge, but I'm up for it. I haven't seen 5:00 a.m. since New Year's and that's only because I went to bed at that time! I've only been doing cardio so far as I haven't met with the trainer yet to set up a plan. Unfortunately joining the gym in January has me lumped in with all of the New Year resolutioners so getting an apt with someone was difficult. Luckily there was a cancellation for this Saturday or I would have had to wait until March!

What I love about the Y is that the trainers are included in the membership. I don't have to pay thousands of dollars extra to get assistance. I also love the "technogym". The machines operate by a smartkey system. Once you've met with a trainer, they input the plan on the smartkey. When you go to workout, you simply plug the key in and the machines adjust the speed/resistance for you as input by the trainer. Everything is mapped out. The machine will tell you when it's time to switch machines and all so it's a mindless routine. I love it. If I find that I'm not being challenged enough, I simply shoot the trainer an e-mail and that way it'll be adjusted for the next time I'm there. I'm very excited to meet with them and have a course of action.

So far I've been trying to get in as much gym time before work as possible. I start work at 8 and the gym opens at 6 so doesn't give me that much time but I'm able to get in a 45 min workout. I warm up on the treadmill for 10 mins, 15 minutes on the bike, and then 15 mins on the elliptical.

Feels great!

I think my mojo was brought back simply from the wonderful comments and support I've received from my bloggies!!

I lost my mojo!

2009-01-22T10:24:00.003-05:00

My blogging has taken a back seat lately as everything has been so chaotic. Tax season has us working what seems like 24/7. I was down 1lb last Sat for my W.I, which means I'm 3 lbs away from being back at my pre-holiday weight. I can't believe it's already Thursday. This week has just gone by so quickly!

My one year WW membership anniversary is soon approaching. February 15 will mark one year of continuous attendance. I've had some major changes in my attitude, my lifestyle, my eating habits, and of course my appearance.

Although I am very happy with how far I've come, I can't help feeling like I didn't go as far as I could. Starting in early December, I began to lose my weight loss "mojo". My tracking started to dwindle, my exercise, and my eating habits began to change a bit too. I started allowing myself to make exceptions whereas when I first started the plan I wouldn't touch something if I didn't know how many points was in whatever was being offered. My gym membership recently expired and I decided that I would change gyms as I was fed up of the same scenery. Well, I've let my "searching" go on for a month and a half now. I'm joining the Y on Saturday so hopefully exercise will then trigger my eating habits to fall back in to place too.

I just wish I could have stayed as motivated as I was back in February. It'll be back, I know it. I just have to do it!

Can you see it in my face?

2009-01-09T21:37:00.005-05:00

Here I am on the left holding a delicious tray of fruit at girls night last week end. On the right is me in NYC June 2007 post-Sbarro pizza!

On the left: size 12. On the right: size 20

On the left: healthy food and happy me. On the right: pizza-stuffed & angry for eating it.

I dread looking at old photos of myself. At the time I didn't realize just how unhappy I was. I see it now and it makes me all wishy washy. I'm glad I stopped when I did.

Food for Thought

2009-01-08T09:29:00.003-05:00

I love food and I love thought. Combining the two-fantastic.

Mark Salinas of http://blog.marksalinas.com/ really hit the nail on the head for me this morning. I wish I was had seen this quote yesterday to use as a rebuttal when a colleague commented on my food journaling.

I'm all about self-improvement. Notice the word self. Tracking what I eat is a necessity for me. It keeps me accountable and aware of what I'm putting in my mouth. "Forgetting" what I ate is what led me to become 100 lbs overweight to begin with. If journaling helps me stay on track, who's business is it but my own? One of my colleagues (who knows everything about weight loss since she lost more weight than I have in a shorter time frame on the Smart for Life Diet), once again had her two cents to give on what I'm doing. She peers over my desk at lunch hour and says " Oh wow, you still write down everything you eat. Don't you get tired of it? See that's why I didn't do Weight Watchers. It's too much work all the counting and writing down everything. I prefer to just eat and not have to think about it". I retorted with a simple " It's part of the plan and I like to be accountable".

"Oh, that's just too much work for me. It's crazy to be obsessed like that with writing everything you eat". She replies. Well then.Normally I'd have something to reply to that, but this time I just turned around and said nothing. It's not worth it. One of the most evident changes I've noted in myself is my self-worth. I don't look at taking care of my health as "too much work for me". I need my body to be in tip top shape to do the things that my brain wants me to do. I don't want to be held hostage in a body that can't keep up with my mind.

Mark's quote said it perfectly: "Obsessed is just a word the lazy use to describe dedicated." Had I had this, I might have said something instead of replying with silence.

Next time I'll tell her to keep the change.

Welcome 2009

2009-01-02T09:59:00.001-05:00

I don't typically set resolutions with a deadline of December 31st but they always have a start date of January 1st. The focus seems to taper off somewhere around the 7th of January.

What I am just thrilled with is that I had no clue I would be where I am this time this year. I said I would lose weight and be able to run for more than 5 mins. I said this, but as we all know actions speak louder than words. Call it procrastination, lack of determination, desire, and faith combined. I underestimated myself.

The difference in 2008 from previous years was that I acted. This alone surpassed any expectations that I had for myself. I didn’t actually believe that I would lose weight. I’ve always frustrated myself with my lack of consistency and drive to finish things through. 2008 was my year- I said I was going to do something and I did it. I did not say ‘this year I will lose x amount of lbs”. This could be interpreted as me not wanting to set myself up for disappointment but when I look at the big picture I was just working in baby steps. This could very well be the reason why I was successful. Celebrate each and every NSV and SV because they all add up.

This year I’d like to focus more on life goals. I don’t want to obsess over objectives/habits that I promised resolve to accomplish/nix.

My goal (not resolution) is to continue on my path and keep up the momentum. I’d like to reach my weigh loss goal this year, but just as anything else goals change along the way. I want to keep living a healthy lifestyle. I want 2009 to be the year of consistency.

Blogging has played a major role in my success as well. The initial intention was to journal my thoughts. I am continuously amazed with the tremendous amount of support and encouragement I’ve received. It’s truly refreshing to know that complete strangers can be genuinely kind and encouraging. I thank Blogland for connecting me with so many people that I can relate to. Thank you all so much for your unconditional support.

What have you set out for 2009?

I decked the halls with turkey and latkes

2008-12-29T18:57:00.006-05:00

After a major blog hiatus, I'm happy to be back. I was out of town for a wedding, and spent all of last week at my parents home. Internet access was somewhat limited. Seeing as my fathers Internet skills are not quite advanced, deleting browsing history would be terrible and he would no longer be able to find the sites he frequents. Since I want to keep this blog private, (private from my friends & family that is) I didn't get to go anywhere near it.

The wedding that I've been talking about for over a year has come and gone. My dress fit perfectly, and I was a very happy camper. I'll post pictures soon. That bridesmaids dress was one of the motivators to get my weight loss started to begin with. I am very proud of what I have accomplished.

I still went to weigh in on Saturday, and I'm happy with a 1.8 lb gain. I was actually expecting quite more so I was just thrilled. After a week end away at a wedding, bottomless plates at my parents (Chrismukkah is lethal I tell you)two birthdays, three family get togethers and dinners out with friends, I feel as though I deserved at least a 10 lb gain. Christmas day was just ridiculous. There were plates of nuts, cheeses & pates with assorted crackers and breads, chips, hors d'oeuvres, pecan tarts, nanaimo squares, fudge and the list goes on all over the house. I actually had to take a nap before the turkey dinner because I was so exhausted from eating and was stuffed beyond belief. I can't eat anywhere near the amount of food that I used to and I was watching my portions.

Prior to all of this, I would have easily polished off the entire bowl of cashews. Instead I had a hand full and didn't go back to the dish. Last year, I would have eaten several hors d'oeuvres and then made more to cover my tracks. This year, I was conscious about what I was putting in my mouth and enjoyed every bite. I'm happy that I ate what I wanted and couldn't eat more if I wanted to. The 1.8 gain really leaves me feeling like I cheated on a test and got away with it. It's a really strange feeling.

I'm back on track today. It felt great to bust out the tracker and write out what I ate. I'm not quite sure I'm following the momentum plan, I'm just doing what I always did by tracking and following the healthy guidelines. I actually don't see too much of a change from Flex to Momentum aside from the nifty new booklets.

Anyone else have any thoughts on the Momentum plan?

Off to catch up on my blog reading!

Still alive, barely

2008-12-15T09:03:00.002-05:00

Yay, I've been nominated! I'll post the link and picky my ladies/gents later on today. I'm really honored to have been thought of. I'm touched.

I was up at 4:00 a.m. this morning and I'm not sure why! I've been complaining to myself all week that I haven't been getting enough sleep. I've been running around shopping, working late, going to parties-it's been non-stop action around here! Saturday's W.I had me up 1.6. Thanks to the parties, and a lot,a lot a lot of booze on Friday. I was not on track to say the least. I did exercise but it definitely wasn't enough to offset the damage. The office party on Friday was kick-ass! I had chicken parmigiana with about a half a bottle of wine and a rum & coke. We ended up later at an Irish pub where I had the most delicious Black Velvet (Guiness & Cider combo) and about 3-4 Smirnoff Ice. We then continued the party on to another bar where I had 2 more smirnoff ice & a vodka cran. Had a lot of fun and ended up at home at 4:00 a.m.

Believe it or not, I made it to my W.I for 9:00 a.m. I was up at 8 and still drunk. Unfortunately Saturday was the meeting where we went over the new Momentum plan and as you can imagine I was willing the time to pass by. People were loud, I was in another world, and my mouth felt like sand paper. I could not drink enough water!
I'm not usually such a lush and I got to pay for it all day Saturday! I spent the rest of the day entertaining a friend from out of town and stayed in Saturday night to try to recover. Yesterday was another busy day of shopping and entertaining my friend so I have still not fully recovered from Friday's night of insanity.

Met a nice guy on Friday. Too bad I was feeling a little too good to remember a lot of what he told me. I know we laughed a lot, he walked me home and was very gentlemanly with a simple kiss on the cheek good night. Thumbs Up.

I did hear back from dude from a month ago. Funny how they take so long to call. I'm not impressed. Told him that it was nice of him to call but I'm no longer interested. You snooze, you lose.

I'm off to the dentist now. Broke two fillings on tostitos yesterday and I'm not a happy camper. Broke one on each side. That'll teach me to eat chips!

And another weigh in

2008-12-07T18:23:00.004-05:00

Yesterdays' W.I was a lot better than I thought it would end up being. I stayed the same. This is a woooo hoo moment that's for sure! I barely tracked, I ate whatever I wanted (Ristorante spinach pizza TO MY SELF on Tues) lots of wine, and only one day of exercise. I must also mention that TOM is in the house. Staying the same is more than I could ask for, considering that I had office party #1 of 3 the night before and still had a seven course meal in my tummy.

This is a picture of me on Friday night. A friend of mine loaned me the dress. Yes that's right. Loaned. I can't remember the last time I ever borrowed clothes from anyone and I probably never did! I've always been many sizes above the rest so I was just thrilled when I tried it on and found that it fit. I must also announce that it's a size MEDIUM. A medium I tell you!! I've only ever know XL or XXL. I was just getting used to fitting in larges and poof- out comes my bod in a size "M". I'm in shock. I probably told at least 6 of the girls at the party (thank you white wine).

I also have to share that after Saturday's W.I my leader told me that she's counting on me as being her second 100 lb loser. She's had one before in her "leading" career, and told me that once one of their members loses 100 lbs, they get a necklace. She told me that she feels the person who should get the necklace should be the 100 lb loser, not the leader so she's excited to give this to me. This is some motivation! I'm not going to lose another 38 lbs just to get a necklace, but it's an added incentive to be her second in time working there. This is something I was planning on doing to begin with, so it is an added incentive. I'm pretty stoked.

Time for me to go catch up on some blog reading & commenting. I've been really bussyyyy this week- not just stuffing my face,LOL.

Saturday Morning Weigh In

2008-11-29T11:17:00.005-05:00

Was down .4 this morning. I was expecting a gain so I was happy to hear otherwise. The WW leader announced this morning that there are going to be some changes and new stuff added. She couldn't say what but that it was exciting. I am so but so curious to find out! Does anyone happen to know what these changes are?

A friend of a friend of mine has been going through some rough times with her family. They don't have bad intentions and they want to see their her happy. The unfortunate part is that they are going about it the wrong way. Two weeks ago, she awoke to find a surprise gift from her brother. Right outside her bedroom door was a box of Smart For Life cookies. Now my first reaction was " Oh my gosh, what an #*&*(#&%(*#&*(&#(*&%*(#". He really isn't the whateverwordyouwanttothinkisaid. He simply has absolutely no knowledge on how complex of an issue it is and how the desire to lose has to come from within. I sound like a fortune cookie. I apologize.

Apparently she's been talking about gastric bypass surgery or following the cookie diet. I've said it before and I'll say it again: We must fix what's between the ears first and the rest will follow. You're not really fixing the issue, you're just masking it. You wouldn't just put a bandaid on a cut that needs stitches. The cut needs to be properly cared for and given time to heal.

I grabbed another Week 1 book at the meeting, so if she does contemplate joining Weight Watchers, she can get a sneak peak on how the plan works.

I caved and bought a McDonalds breakfast this morning (12 lousy points!) and I feel nauseous now. I used to be able to eat those sandwiches ( times two) without a problem. My body just can't tolerate the grease anymore. Now that I've blown half of my points on a lousy breakfast sandwich, I'm going to let my stomach settle and go for a run. The rest of the day will be light eating. Yummy windcakes and air soufflees for me!

Attention all Costco shoppers!

2008-11-26T09:51:00.018-05:00

This is a must buy: Sweet Mesquite Rub from Costco.

It's only $5.00 and the container size is ginormous. I cannot get enough of this spice. I want to put it on everything! I'm not generally a huge mesquite fan to begin with but this, my friends, is something special

Do yourselves a favour and run to Costco. This is not to be missed.
This is my dinner last night. All I did was cut a chicken breast in two, rub the meat in the spice, shove on a rack in a pot (with a lid) and throw it in the oven. 30 mins later, I feasted on this:
Brown & long grain rice, mixed veggies, asparagus and my yummy chicken

I think I'm going to be creative tonight and make a soup with it. I'm thinking of a butternut squash base with a bit of carrot. The smokiness of the mesquite should go really well with the squash.

Any suggestions?

Hot Date and Lost Weight...

2008-11-22T10:42:00.004-05:00

Ok,so not what you're all thinking!! I realized that the title may be a little misleading. Date was awesome. He actually had to bail on me on Thursday, so we went out last night instead. I completely understand him bailing despite everyone else's opinion (everyone being my group of girlfriends). We both work in finance, however he is in sales. If one client is late, it bumps the next appointment and the next and so on.

What can I say about the dude. Well to start, he was 15 minutes late. I was sitting alone at the bar, and the bartender asked me if I was waiting for someone. I said yes and that they were running late. The bartender got quite feisty and started going on and on about how that so isn't cool on a first date and that it's a complete lack of respect, yadda,yadda,yadda... I did fully agree, but again in this industry you're totally dependant on your clients times.

When he walked in, my jaw hit the floor. He belongs on the cover of a harlequin complete with horse & beach. Total Mr. McDreamy. I was already on my second drink when he got there so I was completely relaxed. We did not stop talking. It was absolutely fantastic. We spoke about everything under the sun and I was completely at ease with him. I did make sure to take some mental notes though. Not much passes under my radar!

First note that I found strange: He paid for his beer by debit. Don't ask me why I found this strange, but at happy hour 2 beer cost $6.00. Why did he not have $6.00 in cash? Second note: We had spoken before about skiing as he is an avid skier and I mentioned that I hadn't gone skiing since elementary school but intended on making it a goal this winter. He did not suggest ever taking me or going together. We spoke about it again last night, no mention. There was no mention of a second date. I look for that. When he finished his two beer, he explained that he wanted another beer, but not 2 as he was driving. He then asked me how much my drink had cost and if for the happy hour 2 for one special he could order one of my drinks and one beer. This caught me slightly off guard. I told him that I actually wouldn't mind having a beer and so he orders and pulls out the debit card once again. Now, I had my wallet stolen last January so I am extremely hesitant to walk around with cash. $200.00 - I won't do. $20, not an issue.

So we finished up our drinks and he had to get going. He asked me what what I was going to do that evening and I told him that I was going to stick around because a lot of my colleagues were at the bar and I was going to hang out with them for a bit. His parting words were " It was really great to meet you. I had a great time. We'll be in touch. I have a lot to do this week end but I'll give you a call yadda,yadda,yadda". I told him that it was great to meet him as well and that he was really entertaining. We parted ways and he headed for the washroom. I walked over to see some of the girls from work who saw me but didn't interrupt and were dying to know who I was talking to. On his way out he puts his hand on my shoulder and says bye once again. Pretty cute.

All this being said, I'm not sure if he was that interested. When a guy is interested, there usually isn't any confusion and it's pretty clear. This guy, not so sure. I'd love to see him again in a different setting, but frankly I'm not so sure it was mutual.

On a concrete and non-uncertain note, I was down 2.2 at this mornings' weigh in bringing me in to total of 61.4 lbs!! YAY!!!

The Santa Claus Parade is going on right outside my door. I'm not really in the mood for French Christmas carols right now so I'm going to blast my own music to drown out the outside and clean my place.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Jitters

2008-11-20T12:35:00.002-05:00

So I've got a blind date after work. I'm so freaking nervous. We spoke on the phone briefly last night ( I need to hear a voice) and he's going to give me a call this afternoon to plan our meet up. I'm figuring going for a drink will be the best option. We actually work a block away from each other so we'll figure something out when he calls. We both work in the same field so we pretty much just talked shop. We also both have parents of different faith so we spoke about our upbringing and what it was like to have two parents that had different religious beliefs. I got a good vibe. He was very polite and articulate and the conversation flowed well.

Why am I nervous? Simple answer: first impressions. 60 lbs later you'd think I'd be a lot more confident with my appearance and in some aspects I am- just not on the dating game. All I keep thinking about is that when we meet up, his first thought we'll be She's fat. Not ooh she's blond & blue-eyed. No no. FAT.

I've seen pictures of him & he seems pretty damned cute. The pictures that he's seen of me are head shots. Have I set him up to expect something different? How can I expect someone to look past my size if I can't? Am I just still thinking in the 60lbs ago tense? Will this be his first impression? I know, I know, if that's what he sees then why waste my time. I get it. I just can't help but obsess over it.

6 Week Challenge is On, and other random thoughts

2008-11-17T21:44:00.007-05:00

Alright, seems that my group of girls are on a mission to shed 10 lbs by Dec 27, 2008!

If anyone wants to follow along "virtually" please,please do! Feel free to: Right Click on the image on the right, save as, and post to your blog.

On a higher note, the Smart For Life fainting girl did have an awakening. She's finishing off her 7 packs of cookies and she's decided to, guess what... join Weight Watchers. She asked me today if sushi was allowed on Weight Watchers. I responded with an enthusiastic " Girlfriend, you can eat a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g you want". This is about fixing what's between your ears and then transforming your body. Weight Watchers teaches us what thin people already know: moderation. A great example: my mother. I can remember years back going for breakfast with my parents and this particular moment was permanently etched in my mind. I ordered breakfast with the works. One of those "construction worker" combos. My mother ordered a bagel with cream cheese. As I'm writing this I'm picturing the waitress placing the bagel in front of my mom. The bagel had about an inch and a half of cream cheese in between. I drooled. My mother? no no. My mothers exact words were " Oh my, this is far too much". She then proceeded to start scraping off the cream cheese! If it were me, I would have said Woo-hoo in a very Homer Simpson'esque way and devoured it. How could there be such a thing as too much cream cheese?

One of my friends who is also a WW member told me about an incident the other night where she made dinner for her boyfriend. Just as she set his place in front of him, his eyes popped out of his head. " Oh, there's way too much on my plate" he explained. How have I never in my life sincerely thought that there was too much on my plate? Why, if it's on my plate it's meant to be eaten of course.

How after years of watching my mothers eating habits did I not catch on? How did I not learn this? Both of my parents eat like birds. They never finish what is on their plates. It's always too much. It's always so rich. How did I not learn moderation from the same people that taught me how to eat,speak,walk,read etc etc??

Whenever people would refuse cake at a birthday, I sincerely believed that they were full. My aunts will always say " I'm so stuffed, I'll just have the tiniest of the tiniest piece". As a kid I just assumed that grown-ups didn't like icing. Little did I know that they probably secretly fantasized about licking the inside of the Betty Crocker frosting container just as much as I did. I truly believed that they just either didn't like sweets, or they had stomachs the same size as those of grasshoppers. I, on the other hand, had the food storing capabilities of a cross between a camel and a hamster and would never turn down a second slice or two.

I'm learning

Saturday Morning Weigh In

2008-11-15T16:38:00.003-05:00

I was down 1.8, which officially eliminates my .6 & .8 gains and then some. I'm a happy camper!
I want at least a 2lb loss to report next week. I am oooonnnn!

I've started a six week challenge with some friends. We've all agreed to do our best to lose 10 lbs over the next six weeks. If we all hit that target, we're going out for dinner. Now, I know we're supposed to celebrate our weight loss triumphs with non-food rewards, but this is special. It's an excuse to have a celebratory dinner with friends and work together on a goal. We have six weeks to think of what we'd like to eat on that day. The whole deal is this: What would you really want to eat if it had zero consequences, no points to track, no hours on the treadmill etc etc.. That will be what you will have provided the 10 lbs is shed. Now there really is no way we can know for certain that each person lost 10 lbs, so we'll work on the honor system. Besides, it would feel kind of crummy to go knowing that you're lying to everyone there. The only one anyone would really be cheating is themselves.

On another note, one of the "Smart for Life" girls at work really proved that this diet isn't so smart after all. The poor thing ended up passing out at her desk. When she finally came to, I gave her a banana to eat to get her sugar up. When the paramedics arrived, they asked her if she had any history of blood pressure issues, diabetes, etc etc. I explained that she has been on a new weight loss regime. The paramedic grabbed the bag of cookies to read the nutritional information and his words were " What the bleeping bleep is this?!?!?!??!?! No wonder she fainted, her energy levels are depleted" The banana eventually worked it's magic and she managed to get a few more hours in at the office before going home.

The whole diet is as follows. Eat six of these cookies per day, followed by 3oz of lean meat (chicken or fish) and vegetables. You are guaranteed to lose at least 12 lbs a month. Each cookie counts for 100 calories, so at the end of the day you've only ingested 800 calories. This is absolutely insane. I could eat 800 calories a day on my own and save myself the $300/month it costs on cookies.

I work with four girls who are following this diet. I was getting a little fed up of them knocking Weight Watchers, because what they don't understand is that Weight Watchers is not a diet. It is a life style change. You will have to eat forever. You can't eat cookies forever. The brain has to be conditioned first and foremost. As much as I argue the benefits they are all simply looking for a get thin quick fix. I don't want to be there saying I told you so. It sounds mean, but I'm sort of glad something like this happened so they could see what kind of a toll this can take on your health.

I highly doubt that anyone who has ever been on a crash diet maintained the loss.

WW products

2008-11-14T12:12:00.004-05:00

I've noticed that the Weight Watchers bread has been rather hit & miss lately. Sometimes the bread seems to be a little more dense than usual and really fresh. Then there are times like today, that I end up with a loaf with a huge hole in the middle of each slice. The slices are small enough as it is. I could really do without the missing piece!

Does anyone know of any other breads that count for 1 pt for two slices? WW bread seems to be the only kind that I could find that boasts the low amount of points for two slices. Now granted, two slices equates to 1 regular slice of bread, but psychologically it just seems more because it's two.

I also must announce that I am completely and officially obsessed with Almond Breeze. How I have only tried it now is beyond me. It is simply divine. I bought the sweetened vanilla & chocolate. Talk about something yummy to drink straight from the carton. Don't worry, I live alone. I'm not spreading cooties!

Anyone have any yummy/low point suggestions for my big grocery order this week end?

I'm going out for dinner tonight to my favorite Mexican restaurant. I can't wait. I can wait for the W.I tomorrow however, I've been biting my nails....

The Biggest Loser: Episode 6.9

2008-11-12T09:16:00.003-05:00

Not sure where to start. How about with this: Vicky & Heba: puke. barf. ralph. hurl.

I was so happy to see the eliminated players return and see how well they've done at home. I really had tears in my eyes. I had even more tears in my eyes when I saw how childish the Blue Team behaved when Phil weighed in. Not one of them clapped. Now, I understand Amy's position. She had to play the part. Did she ever, ever make me happy when she voted Brady off.

Did anyone else catch a glimpse of the cover of Prevention magazine? The clip was really quick and I don't have a PVR but it looked like it was Michelle & Renee and they both looked extremely trim!

I busted out the Stepper last night & I was stepping along with the gang. I doubt I came any where close to 1000 steps, but it was fun to follow along! I was also commenting on Fat Bridesmaid's blog at the same time (love it) during commercial breaks.

All I can say is that I hope someone feeds Vicky twinkies in her sleep & she gets sent home. I'm not happy that Ed is back, but at least Brady is gone so that it's not the two couples. I think I would have stopped watching the show altogether.

You should all tune in to Fat Bridesmaids' live blog next week. It's my Tuesday night entertainment. She's posted an excellent recap of last nights' show. It's a must read for those who did & did not catch it last night.

That's all folks!

I voted for me

2008-11-09T16:54:00.005-05:00

So, TOM had me up .8. No biggie. The meeting felt as if it was customized to me. This weeks topic was about elections. The leader gave each of us a piece of paper and instructed us to write down whether or not we voted for ourselves based on how our week went.

This is what mine looked like:

I tracked 6 out 0f 7 days
I drank my water
I did not exceed my points allowance
I worked out 4 times

I was up .8- I tried.

She picked up all the papers and read out the answers to tally up the Yes & No votes. When mine was read (anonymously), every person in the room had a comment to make and I felt so relieved. I was reminded that our body does not know that it is 9:00 a.m. Saturday morning and that it must perform. Had I weighed myself the following day, the .8 might not have been there. Hormones are a dangerous thing. Increased exercise can add to a gain, etc etc etc. My note was considered a YES vote because I did try, I stuck to the plan, which meant that I was thinking of me.

I spent years of my life not voting for me. I accepted how I was and let it become part of my identity. I accepted that I could not shop in regular stores. I accepted that I did not like my body. I accepted that I was exhausted after a 20 min walk home. I accepted that my feet hurt regardless of the shoes I was wearing. I accepted that I felt pale in contrast to others. I voted for everyone but myself.

February 15 2008 marked a change in my "self-politics". I decided to vote for me. I decided that I wanted change and the only person stopping me from it was myself. Not being one to trust politicians, the trust and confidence I had in my actions had to be earned. They all talk the talk, but once in power, they seldom deliver. Not in this case. I voted myself in and I will continue to do so. I am confident in my actions because I know what I want and am determined to see it materialize. There has been a dramatic difference in my appearance and confidence over the past few months. I am delivering the changes I wanted. I'd vote for me again.

Here's a fun little story about my attempt at renting a movie last night. The video store (archaic term, I know) does not provide membership cards. Instead, they take a picture of you to store on their records. I had forgotten about this. Last night around 11 I ran out in my pj's to rent a movie. I take the case to the the cash and the clerk asks me for my phone number. I see him glancing at his monitor, then back at me, then back to his monitor. I was confused. I was starting to think that maybe I had a late fee that I had forgotten about, or the movie I wanted wasn't in etc etc. " This is not your account" he says. I gave him my # once again. " I'm sorry miss, this is not your account". " Of course it is, my telephone number is bla bla, my address is bla bla" I snap back. Then it clicked. " Oh, my picture" I say, turning 50 different shades of red. "I've changed a bit since then" I explained. I showed him some ID and managed to convince him that it was indeed me. He didn't argue any further. I grabbed my movies and ran out.

That felt great.

Have a happy period- are you kidding me?

2008-11-06T18:32:00.003-05:00

Why is it that menstrual products are always marketed to us in the most cheeseballish ways? It's almost as though everyone's so embarrassed about what periods really are that euphemisms and blue liquid are used as distractions from what it really is.

Ah yes, the smiling, radiant woman horseback riding along the beach dressed in head-to-toe white. The saddle is white. The horse is white. Her teeth are a freaky shade of white. The clouds are white. The sand is white. You get the picture. This brings me to back to my title: Are you kidding me? I don't care if you've bought every single pad at Shoppers and are wearing them all at once. No woman, and I mean no woman, will A. wear white, and B. be so F#$**ing smiley.

Can we please have a more realistic commercial? My marketing classes gravitated around teaching us how to advertise in a way that people can relate to- It sells. How tampax has not honed in on this is beyond me. Show me a woman sitting curled up on the couch with a giant zit on her cheek, oily hair, mascara streaks down the sides of her face because she just saw a tissue commercial and the little (again) white kitty is just oh so cute, a bag of lays on the table, and a scrunched up ball of foil from a caramilk bar. Show her popping the pill, taking a nap for an hour, and then waking up feeling less crampy. I may just buy this medication.

Can you guess that TOM has arrived?

My dinner tonight was a granny smith apple with tostitos. It was a delicious combination, but I'm certain I'll look back next week and have another opinion.

Saturday Morning Weigh In Results & Last Nights Dinner Horror Story

2008-11-01T10:57:00.008-04:00

Going out for dinner last night was quite an adventure. The menu made me cringe. Every item seemed to have the words drenched, battered, glazed,crispy,smothered,tantalizing,melt in your mouth, Oh the list goes on.

I settled on the most WW friendly item on the menu: a chicken brochette with salad and rice. Not an entirely terrible choice. Thankfully the waiter quickly came to take our orders so I didn't have time to change my mind. We were minding our own business waiting for the food to arrive when the waiter came to see us. " A large group has just come in and we're going to need for you to change tables" he says. " My manager is offering each of you an appetizer on the house". I cringed. I wanted to crawl under the table.

My friends agreed to accept the appetizers. I just said that I didn't want to spoil my appetite for my dish because I was really looking forward to it. I gave myself a mental pat on the back and watched them devour the cheesy potato skins, garlic bread, calamari, and the spinach dip with nachos.

No sooner had we finished our plates, the waiter is back at our table. "I'm sorry to bother you again ladies. We will need to move you to another table. The manager has offered coffee and dessert for your trouble" He explains. "We're terribly sorry for the inconvenience" He continues to take our plates away and moves us to our new table.

The dessert options are posted on some sort of flip card that sits in the middle of the table. Sweets are my kryptonite so it was my mission to make all of the desserts sound revolting. " The carrot cake is probably dry.The cheese cake probably has that gross skin on the outside from sitting in a rotating display case. Eew, can you imagine how over-sweet the chocolate cake is? Ice cream, puh-lease. It's probably been sitting in a bin in a freezer somewhere underneath ten layers of ice crystals".

My remarks didn't steer my friends away from the choices, but I am proud to say that I did not give in. I had a coffee and that was it. Funny how when things are free we suddenly want them. No one had voluntarily ordered a starter and no one was even considering ordering dessert. Insert the words free or on the house and suddenly we're all singing a different tune. If I wasn't planning on having it, I won't.

My WI was not so terrible considering my eating habits & lack of exercise this week. I was up .06 and was pretty shocked about it. I was expecting a 2 lb gain. I'm going to kick some serious ass this week.

It'sssssssssssssssss ooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnn!

My Halloween Costume

2008-10-31T09:50:00.005-04:00

So I was feeling somewhat creative this morning and did decide to dress up for work. I figured what could be better than sitting in a t-shirt & leggings at the office? It was a great way to be extremely comfortable at work sans the business attire and show team spirit at the same time. Authentic 80's attire here. If only my shoes could have shown up in the pic: L.A Gear, anyone?

The chocolates & candies have been flying around the office but that's ok! I enjoyed 1 mini-aero with my coffee, tracked it, and moved on! The water cooler has been owned, and uhm.. so has the ladies room.

Anyone else in blogland dressed up today?

H-A-L-L-O Boo boo! W-E-E and an N!

Any wagers for my Saturday W.I?

2008-10-29T22:34:00.006-04:00

What a wicked week of eating I've had so far. I think TOM's imminent arrival is pulling the strings behind my puppet-like uncontrollable eating. I haven't been eating junk (we are forgetting about the cookie dough that I found in the freezer last Sat that I made & ate all to myself) just a lot. I've had an insatiable appetite since Saturday. There's no space between meals, it's just one continuous track on repeat. My food intake has looked a little something like this, bearing in mind that my daily points allowance is 23:

Breakfast
Wake up with: Tea + WW toast w/ cream cheese: 3 pts
Get to the office: Coffee + 2 mini muffins+ 4 pts
Getting closer to lunch: More WW toast w/ apple butter, banana, 1/2 cup special k: 4 pts
Lunch: TV Dinner, Yogurt, All Bran Bar, Chocolate Single, Apple: 9 pts
Afternoon Snack: Huge cup of tea, bag popcorn, cheese slice: 4 pts
Supper: 2 hamburgers (1/2 cup of beef so they're small) w/onion chive c.cheese on ww bread w/tomatoes,lettuce,ketchup. 1, yes 1, entire butternut squash, mushrooms, 1 baked sweet potato: 10
Dessert/Evening Snack: more popcorn, apple, cheese,chocolate (in rotation) approx 3 pts depending on which I chose that night.

37 PTS! Can you believe it? AND to top it off? The exercise I've done this week: taking the stairs when I get home. I live on the 11th floor, but still. Insufficient.

I startled myself when I snapped out of a mindless eating coma yesterday. An old,old habit came out of no where and bit me. I did make a rule that I'm not allowed to eat unless I'm sitting down and what do you know? I catch myself eating out of the fridge. The killer? I was picking at my lunch for the next day.

What on earth came over me? What caused this food trance?

Any thoughts on how my W.I will go on Sat? Any tips on what to do for the next 2 days to possibly cancel out my naughtiness?

Looking for motivation?

2008-10-27T09:36:00.002-04:00

Please but please do yourselves a favor and read Angie's post at: http://angiealltheway.blogspot.com/2008/10/i-wrote-this-near-beginning-of-this.html

I'm feeling pumped. She couldn't have written this at a better time.

I've been Weighed, oh and Tagged!

2008-10-25T13:00:00.011-04:00

This mornings' W.I has me down 1.8 lbs to 185. Yahoo! I'm starting to see the light. Within the next 2 weeks I'll be out of the 180's for sure. Yay! I haven't seen these #'s for about 10 yrs, and I'm only 25. I look at pictures of me in high school when I thought I was fat and I just want to go back in time and shake myself.

The lovely Jordanna has tagged me. I will now list 6 Interesting things about myself (or at least I think are interesting if not quirky or odd). My "tag" victims will appear at the bottom & I best see this copied =)

1. Jordanna and I have something in common. We're both in finance. Oddly enough, I graduated with a degree in graphic design and somehow ended up in retirement planning.

2. I'm a restless sleeper. I envy those that sleep like the dead. Making my bed in the morning would be so much easier if I didn't have to put the sheets back on! I don't mind too much... activity points while in R.E.M? Ha!

3. My favorite condiment is ketchup. Always has been. I buy the family-sized tub & I live alone if that offers any insight. Heinz only though. You can't fool me. I can tell the difference just like Coke & Pepsi.

4. I'm half Polish/half Irish. Now with this mix-matched ethnic composition you'd assume that I have alcohol for blood and potatoes for eyes. Unfortunately I am allergic to sulfites and since many, many different types of alcohols contain sulfites, I break out in hives when I drink. A Pol that is allergic to Vodka? That is I. Do I ignore the symptoms? We'll leave that to another post.

5. I hate socks but am an avid shoe collector . If I could live in a world/climate where being bare foot was the norm I'd be set. In summer months I'm in flip flops 90 % of the time- it's the closest thing to being bare foot!

6. I am a neat freak. I'm comparable to Monica on Friends. OCD, anyone?

This was the best I could do for a lazy and rainy Saturday afternoon!

Who have I chosen to tag you ask?

1.Amy
2.Jen
3.True Heart Girl
4.Natalia
5.Mandy31

Butterfly Out (Ha, Take that Seacrest!)

Biggest Loser:Family Edition Episode 6.7

2008-10-22T09:28:00.004-04:00

Ok, was anyone as scandalized as I was last night with Vicky? I'm not her biggest fan to begin with, simply because I don't think she's in the competition for the right reasons. Sure, the cash prize is great, but isn't this a weight loss competition? She's said many times that she wants to win the $$ and she'll do whatever it takes to do so. For this reason, I do not admire her whatsoever & I hope she gets booted off. My eyes welled up with tears at the balance beam competition when she decided to sit out. She turned her nose up at the prize while others shed tears of joy at the thought of seeing their family. A video from home of loved ones was not worth the challenge in her mind. Had it been a 2lb advantage or something different, she would have competed, but a video of people she hadn't seen for 6 weeks was not a good enough prize. Granted this is reality TV, but I'm rooting for the ones that are seeing the big picture of a healthy weight and lifestyle, not dollar signs.

Must Read

2008-10-20T10:41:00.005-04:00

Good Morning!

I am urging you all to read Charlotte's post at: http://thegreatfitnessexperiment.blogspot.com/
What an absolutely fantastic, eloquently written, and thought-provoking topic.

For all of my Fitness Queens, please read Mizfit's post from Oct 18 " The Blog Free Wonder" @ http://mizfitonline.com/2008/10/18/commenter-of-the-month/
Really really enjoyed this read. Gotta admire a woman who's got so much to say & no time to maintain a blog hehehhe! Really awesome chica. Lovin' da Mizfit!

I'd like to thank all the ladies who commented on my last post. Sharing your thoughts really helped me get my own together. I do hope that feeling fat or always thinking about it eventually becomes a thing of the past, although I'm not sure it's something I could ever not feel or think of. I thought the same when I quit smoking. I wondered if I'd ever identify myself as a non-smoker or if my cravings would ever go away. Thankfully they did. I can't even imagine myself as a smoker nor do I ever crave a smoke and it's only been a year and a half.

Made Bananas Foster in the crock pot last night. Totally delicious over vanilla yogurt for breakfast. A 4 point breakfast is a-ok with me!

Saturday Morning Weigh In

2008-10-18T11:09:00.005-04:00

So the good news is that even though I celebrated Thanksgiving for a week, I stayed the same. I did NOT want to step on the scale this morning but I was relieved when the "weigh in girl" told me that I stayed the same. I don't know if I could have handled a gain.

Today's meeting was actually pretty emotional. For some reason almost half of the usual crowd did not come. Now that some reason is most likely because they too celebrated Thanksgiving all week and didn't want to face the scale. We spoke a lot about motivation and determination. A lot of members shared some pretty personal emotional issues. Although the meeting was nothing compared to the usual peppy & perky vibe, it really helped. Our Saturday morning never runs the 30 mins that it should. We usually spend so much time talking that they run between an hour and an hour and a half- no complaints from me!

An issue I've been dealing with almost feels like some sort of identity crisis. I've had weight issues ever since I was a child. I can remember a time when I was six years old and an aunt I hadn't seen since I was 3-4 came to visit. She had bought me this red one piece snow suit, but probably was a size for a four-year old. I remember her trying to force the zipper up, my arms suspended in the air because the suit was just soo tight. The worst: I remember her saying " You've got to lose weight,child". This scarred me. A child of that age need not think of their weight but pretty much since that moment I have identified myself as fat. Now this isolated incident did not in itself send me spiraling into years of weight issues. It's always more complex. I cannot blame it on anyone. Food has always been there as comfort. I cannot think of a time in my life where my weight was not my obsession. I've grown up with the thoughts of " when I'll be thin I'll do xyz" or " just wait until I lose weight then they'll see". Like that ridiculous saying goes " there's a thin girl hiding inside of every fat one". Stupid, but I always felt it was true. I always felt like my life would start once I was such and such size. Suddenly my life will begin and I will live happily ever after because once I'm of "normal size" people will now know the real me. What I'm feeling now is this: If I won't be the fat girl anymore, then who will I be? Will I always identify myself as a fat girl? Will I ever rid myself of this feeling?

Because being fat has been part of my identity for so long, I'm starting to think that maybe deep down inside I've almost used it as an excuse. My weight has been some sort of shield. "Oh, they don't like me because I'm fat, but if I were thin they wouldn't treat me like this". My brain has always been my most prized possession. Perhaps I'm afraid that once I get the physical out of the way, I'll feel like people can start judging that? I don't know. I have so many thoughts going on all at once now. I've spent the morning waiting to shout Eureka, I've got it! I now have cracked the code and get it. There isn't just one answer and that's why I'll never have this type of epiphany.

Eating disorders are extremely extremely complex. The difference between it and say for example drug abuse or alcoholism is that the disorder is presented on the outside. You can't hide your addiction. This is one of the reasons that I've started to get somewhat defensive when people ask me " now tell me, just how much have you lost?". You wouldn't ask the same type of question to a recovering anorexic " so just how much weight have you put on?" or " so how much do you eat now compared to before?". How about asking someone who declared bankruptcy who's now got their finances in control about their spending habits and ask them to compare their ways before and after. It's such a touchy topic.

I'm usually such a chipper and optimistic person. Now, just because I'm in a self-analytical mood doesn't mean I have to be in a bad one either. I just need to wrap my head around a few things. Our meeting today was extremely therapeutic and one thing I said made me stop in my tracks right after the words escaped my mouth. The leader was asking us what our goals were and why we set them. I said that my goal was to weigh 135. When the leader asked me why I set that goal, my response was " because at that point I will not be overweight and I'll be happy in my skin".

Why can't I be happy in my skin now?

Election Day

2008-10-14T18:34:00.007-04:00

I had a weekend full of turkey and I went to vote for one today too.

I was in one of those " my vote won't even count so why should I bother" moods when I woke up, but I did it. It's my right as a citizen, and all the votes add up. Just like a 1lb loss X 50 adds up! Every vote does count. I almost opted to turn around and run when I got to the voting station though: It was in the basement a.k.a MORGUE of a retirement home!!! Why I had to go to there and my neighbour was sent to vote at the university next door is beyond me. I made my decision as to who I was voting for only once I had the voting card in my hand. It seems I'm not confident in any politician. I have no faith in any of them. One of the politicians in my riding is a former astronaut, another a former broadcaster. Hmm.... space vs. media... LOL

Hopefully things will change this election & people will start to realize that the Bloc Quebecois is a JOKE. Woops, I let out a political view. Oh well, my blog, my rights =) It's just sad when I think that I disagree with 50% of the population in my province. Scary statistic. Can't wait to see the outcome!!

Thanksgiving was just fantastic. What could be better than great food & time with my family?

The crappy mobile pic above is my plate from dinner at my moms. Ham, Squash,yams,turkey,mashed potatoes,cranberry sauce, and sttufffffinnnggggggg. YUM!

Happy Turkey!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-11T10:49:00.002-04:00

Just got back from my W.I and I'm down 2.2- YAY! 187 lbs doesn't feel too shabby! I worked for it this week though. It was my TOM, and I usually gain regardless of what I do (or so it seemed). I was determined to fight it. ran every night this week and made sure to keep myself busy. I'd usually gain 2.2 during my TOM, but NOT THIS TIME. I didn't want to be pushed back into the other "decade".

This week was all about the squash. I ate about 3 medium-sized butternut squash this week. I just couldn't get enough. When I read up on the nutritional information, I decided that this has to be the best thing out there. 1 cup of butternut squash has something like 300% of the Vitamin A you need in a day. It has anti-inflamatory agents, fights & prevents cancer, is full of fiber- the list goes on! I also made a spaghetti squash caserole and it was simply to die for.

I have two Thanksgiving dinners to go to this week end. Scary I know! Tonights won't be so bad as it's at another WW members' house and she's got everything under control. I'm more worried about dinner at my moms tomorrow. The WW meeting today was all about Thanksgiving and being prepared for it. We created a mock menu and even then the total point amount was astounding. Our menu was even all about being careful and it was still insanely high in points. We just have to remind ourselves that we didn't get to our high weights by eating pumpkin pie once per year and to enjoy ourselves. I'm already drooling thinking about the potatoe casserole that my aunt is bringing tomorrow. I think there's about 10 different cheeses in it and it is what I would describe as Heaven On Earth.

Time for the treadmill.

Happy Thanksgiving my fellow Canadians!!!

Yummy yummy yummy

2008-10-08T18:36:00.003-04:00

I have a new obsession: Walden Farms Apple Butter. HOLY YUM! O Calories, 0 Fat, 0 everything! It is sweetened with splenda, and is oohhh so yum. My favorite 1 pt snack of the week: 2 slices of WW bread (toasted of course), and this apple butter. I swear it tastes like apple pie. Ok, so the texture is not quite the same (it's a real jelly) but it's the BOMB on the flavour scale.

I've tried a few of the dressings as well, and they're pretty good! I wasn't really that impressed with the French dressing as it had a bit of a chemical taste, but the Thousand Island & the Asian were really really good! The maple syrup tastes like the real thing just a bit more liquidish. The caramel spread is yummers too.

I want to try the peanut butter, the marshmallow spread, and the BBQ Sauce. Has anyone tried any of these and if so, how were they? Before shelling out $5.00 on a bottle just to find out that it's gross, I'd like to know other people's opinions. Are there any other flavours that you've tried from Walden Farms that I should?

Looking forward to some feedback =)

Still in the 80's

2008-10-04T14:29:00.002-04:00

I was a little nervous for my Weigh In this morning. I went out for drinks on Thursday, and even though I count the "beverages" in to my points, alcohol & weight loss do not mix. My body seems to just go haywire and no matter how well I did all week, I throw it off with the alcohol. I was so worried that I was going to bump myself back into the 90's, but I didn't. I was down by .08 which is great.

I have to vent about this situation because it leaves me completely frustrated. I have a friend who is/was a Weight Watchers member. They were actually one of the people that initially persuaded me into joining. She had lost over 75 lbs, and counting. She met a new guy last June, and sort of let herself go. She stopped going to the meetings, stopped tracking, and stopped returning my calls because she probably knew I was calling to know why she hasn't been at the meetings. When we finally did get together, she explained that she was tired of tracking points and her new man likes her "just the way she is". She apparently took this as a license to completely stop caring for herself. " He likes me how I am now, and wouldn't care if I weighed 500 lbs" she told me. " Well that's great that he likes you regardless" I said. "But what about yourself? Are you happy in your skin regardless of your size?" "Yes" She answered. I figured I wouldn't push it and let it go. I haven't seen her since June. Sadly, she hinted to me that she's gained back a very large percentage of what she lost and she's almost back to square one. That was in September. " We're very much in love still" She tells me.

A month later, her tune has changed. They are not very much in love. He has been avoiding her. She tells me that it's because he has a busy schedule. She later confesses that he asked for space because their relationship was so intense so fast and he needs to get his thoughts together. This may be part of the reason, but I know better. We are visual creatures, but men take the cake in that department. She no longer looks like the woman he met and hasn't taken very long for her to change. He's no longer attracted to her.

How do I motivate her to get back on track without her feeling like I'm thinking "I told you so"? I haven't seen her in months and I'm almost afraid to because I'm afraid of how I will react when I see her. I don't want her to see the shock in my eyes but it's practically impossible. I guess I'm the one that's avoiding her. With such a substantial gain, it's not like I could say that I didn't notice!

Any words from the wise?

Bust out the Neon, head bands & leg warmers because....

2008-09-27T10:43:00.005-04:00

I am officially in the 80's!!!!!!!!!!

I said I would have a successful week and I did! I was down 2.6, which has me weighing in at 189. So exciting! Leave it to me, your typical Gemini, to not even let myself enjoy it because I'm already thinking about racing through the 80's and getting into the 70's. I have to remind myself sometimes to slow down and smell the flowers as they say.

This weekend will be 80's inspired. The weather is absolutely miserable, so I'm going to pull out Flash Dance, Dirty Dancing, A Fish called Wanda, Back to the Future and whatever other 80's movie DVD that I can find so I can enjoy a cozy week end in, and remind myself of where I am.

I'm off to clean the house, and you can bet that my play list will be nothing but 80's classics. These are all little reminders for me to enjoy the moment.

Some Wedding day pictures

2008-09-24T11:16:00.013-04:00

Me being a good girl at Church, and an old friend of mine

A fellow Weight Watcher & I! We both didn't know that we were on the program as we hadn't seen eachother since January. It goes without saying that we were pleasantly surprised to see eachother.

The Extravagant Head table

Yummy yummy yummy! This cake fed all 310 of us

The Beautiful Bride & Groom

Myself and the Maid of Honor

The dress that I finally chose to wear. I was worried it wasn't going to be fancy enough, but it was perfect! I am no longer afraid of the camera. Had this Wedding taken place 6 months ago, I can guarantee that I would not be in any of the pictures.

I'm posting these pictures and at the same time I'm thinking " My GD, one day these are going to be part of my before pictures".

I hope everyone is having a fantastic week!

Wedding

2008-09-21T17:28:00.008-04:00

One of my closest childhood friends got married yesterday, and the Wedding absolutely wonderful!

I am so glad I was there to witness their union.

The whole day was really fantastic. I was down 3lbs, so I totally cancelled out last weeks 2.6 gain and then some! I may have just gained it all back at the Wedding though! We did have a 7 course meal, followed by cake & a sweets table! Since I was the designated driver, I didn't drink (although everyone else took huge advantage of the open bar), and I was the designated sweet eater!

One night of good food will not make me have a bad week. I am confident that this week will be another successful weight loss week.

Oh one last thing:

You go Montreal!!

http://news.sympatico.msn.ctv.ca/abc/home/contentposting.aspx?isfa=1&feedname=CTV-TOPSTORIES_V3&showbyline=True&newsitemid=CTVNews%2f20080921%2fmontreal_bixi_080921

This is what 55 Lbs looks like, in your face of course

2008-09-14T20:29:00.009-04:00

Ok, so to cheer myself up after my little gain, I went through my photos. Can ya see the difference??? This totally calls for an " I can see it in your face" moment!! I went on a little shopping spree today too (hey, retail therapy cures all) and I still feel like I'm wearing my fat suit. I have such a terrible time gauging my size. I guess I could compare it to someone who's used to driving a S.U.V switching to a sedan. I find myself picking out items that are waayyyyyy too big. I am, of course, thrilled when the clothes fall off me, but I do miss the ease of shopping and just knowing what would fit.

Here is a picture of me in May 2007, and one of me from just last week end.

Boo to Weight Gains!

2008-09-13T17:29:00.005-04:00

So I'm up 2.6 this week. I'm not going to beat myself up about it - I deserved it! The Miss " I love to run" of last week was Miss " I have cramps and I'm staying put on the couch" this week.

This was a terrible T.O.M. The water retention was absolutely insane. Now that I'm thinner, I can actually note swelling, and boy was it there. I noted a 5 lb weight increase on one day alone. I know very well to avoid salts, but the TOM devil spoke louder than my logic. I was not on track this week. I tracked breakfast & lunch, but somehow left out dinner & the snacks that followed. All I wanted to eat was chocolate/salt/sweet carbs. I swear if there was such thing as a Deep-fried chocolate covered salt cube, I would have been all over it!

I will be on track this week. I feel pumped. This was just a minor set back, and the W.I that follows TOM is usually a very very good one. I usually have 3-4 lb losses so I'll kick some but and make sure of it!

The Bachelorette part was a B-L-A-S-T!!!! I'm glad that we got to treat my friend like a real princess and have a real girls night. I'll try to post some pics soon.

Have a great week everyone! Don't do what I did!

OOPS. Forgot to add this link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21627769/?pg=1#TDY_Joy_Fit_Club_Sept08

AWESOME & MOTIVATIONAL ARTICLE. LOVED IT.

You might be a scale-freak if, prior to hopping on your scale: http://fattyfreeme.blogspot.com/

I read this post over an hour ago and I'm still giggling.

No Weigh In? What what what???

2008-09-05T20:09:00.003-04:00

Lucky that I found out beforehand. My WW meeting center has been closed for a few days and will be until next week. There was some sort of gas leak in the building, so all activity is closed down. One of the girls from work came back to let us know after she went and found the note on the entrance of the building. Good thing I didn't find this out after waking up early on a Saturday morning for nothing. Yay to sleeping in!

This is scary for me. My Weigh Ins are what keep me going, not to mention the fact that I busted some a$$ this week and I wanted to have it on paper. Oh well, it'll just be an even bigger loss to note next week.

I have a bachelorette party tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. The itinerary is HUGE. The evening will start out with dinner at a really fancy Italian restaurant (muchos $$$).
After dinner, we will head out to this awesome karaoke bar, and belt out some cheeseball tunes. We will then proceed to a male strip club. I've been once before for another stagette, and surprisingly, the men were rather handsome. I did find myself having a hard time staring at anything but my lap, but hey...

After the strip club, we've rented a V.I.P room to a club, and will have four bottles of vodka waiting for us. We're 15 girls, so it's going to be pretty wild!

An added detail that I found out in error from the brides' sister: They've hired a stripper to be at their hotel room at 3 a.m. for a private performance. I was actually shocked when she told me this, because they're such "proper" girls. I don't know if I was more shocked that she hired someone, or the fact that she said the word stripper!

This bachelorette party is rather lavish-they even rented a limo. I would have been a little bit more excited about the whole thing, except for the fact that it was so last minute. I'm one of the few that don't live with my parents, so I need time to budget these things. This whole evening is going to debit my bank account by about $300 !! Oh well, it'll be a fun time and an awesome memory. At least I'm saving on the $15 for the weigh in!

Yay to pedometers!

2008-09-03T08:16:00.002-04:00

So I finally bought one! I didn't buy the fancy one from WW, just a very simple and small pedometer from Canadian Tire. $7.00 suits my budget much better than $25, and it does the job!

Going for my evening walk/run is not even a chore right now. I'm really pumped, and I love seeing just how much mileage I can clock in. I'm not like a lot of people who are able to run for extended periods of time. Blame it on having asthma, and the fact that I've never been a runner.

I tend to run in intervals. I'll run for about two full city blocks, slow down to a jog and then to a fast walk. This doesn't sound like much, but I'd like to add that the city is built on a mountain. My entire run/jog/walk begins uphill, and once I'm at the top, I walk my way down.

I'm averaging about 7-7.5 km each night- not too bad for someone who used to be exhausted after walking 1 km.

Was down another 1.8 last week, so I'm almost but almost out of the 190's!

Have a great week everyone!

Things no one ever told me about weight loss

2008-08-25T08:40:00.002-04:00

A few things came to mind over the week end that I hadn't ever thought about.

No one ever told me that I'd want to 'photoshop' or throw away all the old pictures of myself.

No one ever told me that I'd be permanently referred to as " the girl who lost a $hit load of weight".

No one ever told me that I'd resent the person I was and be so angry with myself for staying that way for so long.

No one ever told me that I'd almost wish no one ever knew me before so I wouldn't be "formerly known as fat".

No one ever told me that I'd now have people be comfortable with telling me how they felt about my looks before, forgetting that it's still who I am now.

No one ever told me that I'd turn into a Susan Powter wannabe and preach weight loss to those around me.

No one ever told me that I'd have such a hard time wrapping my head around this whole transformation.

No one ever told me that I'd want to show before pictures of myself to the guys that have suddenly shown interest and ask if they would have liked me then.

Now don't get me wrong, there are so many wonderful things coming out of this "transformation". I am a very happy girl and I'm delighted with my results. Sounds like a major rant I know, but these are a few little things that have me frustrated. I'm only half way there and I still have a ways to go with plenty more things to experience and discover. I love and welcome change and I'm excited just thinking about all of the new things that are going to take place in my life aside from weight loss.

Has anyone else come across something that shocked you during or after your weight loss?

Impressed

2008-08-17T18:26:00.004-04:00

I just finished reading a copy of Jennette Fulda's Half-Assed: A Weight-loss Memoir. I stumbled across her blog titled "Half of me" some months ago and quickly found myself addicted to reading through the archives.

Now that I've finished her book (which didn't take much time as I couldn't put it down), I don't know where to begin. I guess I'll start here: go and buy this book. She is a phenomenal writer and her weight loss memoir really hit close to home. I'm certain that anyone who has battled with obesity will relate to her story and find themselves feeling like their thoughts have been extracted from their minds, put out on paper, and published by Seal Press.

Jennette's way of putting in to words what so many of us have thought and felt is absolutely brilliant. Not only would I recommend this book to anyone who is going through a weight-loss journey themselves, but also to someone who has never had a weight problem and wants to know just how "they let themselves get that big".

Her honest recount of her weight loss journey had me laughing out loud (yes I was the crazy lady on the subway laughing alone) and repeatedly saying "exactly, that is so true"- to myself of course.

Please, go buy this book. If you can't find it at your local bookstore (they were SOLD OUT when I went), there's always www.amazon.ca !! The book will be in your mailbox in under 3 days. Honest!!

Now that that's out, let me vent about my week. My scale had me weighing in around 191 for the most part of the week and then Thursday and Friday happened. Happy Hour on Thursday turned into Happily Closing the bar. I somehow made it through the day at work (thank you Starbucks) and found myself yet again happy hour'ing. I was so on track. I knew that my Malibu Cranberry drinks were 3 pts a piece. Somehow my math skills quickly go down the drain the more intoxicated I am. I don't know how many drinks I had, or how I got home.

So I now I can blame it all on dehydration. Saturday's weigh in had me down 1.6 lbs to 195 lbs. It could have been a lot better, but I'm not going to spit on a 1.6 lb loss considering that I probably drank an entire bottle of rhum to myself in 48 hrs and not to mention that TOM was in town. This is the first time I have EVER lost during TOM.

So I had some fun, lost some weight, ate some chocolate, and popped two advil every four hours.

An ode to my collar bone

2008-08-12T11:36:00.002-04:00

Ok, so not really an ode, but more of a fascination. Over the past few months, I catch myself playing with my collar bone. I guess I just can't get over the fact that I have one! I haven't seen signs of it for years, so it's gradual appearance over the past few months has me rather amused. I guess I didn't really notice my fascination until a friend of mine asked me why I was holding my neck and wondered if I was feeling short of breath! I didn't quite know what to say LOL!

Not only am I amused with the reappearance of my estranged collar bone, but I also am quite happy to see my knuckles when my hand is relaxed. Unlike most people, I had dimples instead. I guess I'm just amazed to see that I have a skeletal structure and I'm not just a distant relative of the Pillsbury Dough Boy!

My scale has been showing me weighing in at around 191 lbs for the past 2 days. I highly doubt that I've lost 5 lbs since Saturday, especially since TOM is scheduled to fly in to town this week. Well we'll just have to wait and find out on Saturday. If I'm already on my way out of the 190's I'm thrilled!

Ben & Jerry's or Wet T-Shirt Contest?

2008-07-31T19:58:00.003-04:00

So apparently the planets have aligned and decided to throw me off of my "Onderland" high horse. I swear it seems like there is a sabotage sign on my back this week. A colleague of mine has just resigned, so logically we must celebrate their departure with cakes, cookies, pizza, ice cream etc... etc.. Well I am always up for a challenge and I did not indulge whatsoever. Ha, take that planets! I love how others try to bring you down with them. I can't count how many people at work are on some sort of diet now. The sad fact is that when others want to give in, they want to take you down with them. There's the " you know, you can have sweets. It's his last day". Like what, by me not having a donut somehow he'll leave the company angry at me for my donut decline? He didn't bake them, he didn't buy them, he doesn't care. Simple right? Then there is the second sabotage line " You've done so well, just have a piece of cake, it won't kill you". No, you're right, it won't kill me, but I'd like keep doing "so well". Misery loves company doesn't it?

I haven't had an " I can see it in your face" moment for a while- until yesterday. One of my colleagues stops me in the copy room, and decides it would then be appropriate to pet at my waist line. " Wow, it's really starting to show". What is starting to show I wonder? Do I look pregnant??? No, she means my weight loss is starting to show. Then, my second favorite " How much have you lost now?" I'm tired of telling people how much I've lost. At the beginning I was thrilled to brag, and now I'm more embarrassed. By telling people how much I've lost, it gives them an idea as to how much more I have to go, and what a mess I was in to begin with. Now because this woman is overweight as well I feel that she could relate, I murmur " oh, about 50 lbs". And then it happened " Yeah, I can see it in your face". My face you say? HAHAHA!!!
We went from grabbing my waist to telling me that the 50 lbs shows in my face, and that it's only NOW starting to show. I know, I know, they were trying to be nice, but those types of remarks really leave an imprint on my mind. Could we not just talk about the fax or photocopy machine or better yet, the water cooler?

Ben & Jerry's are out to get me. Call me paranoid, but there are just too many coincidences:

On my way home, it starts to rain. I didn't have an umbrella, and it started to rain hard. I had to run for cover. The only option available - that's right, you guessed it : Ben & Jerry's. I walked in with full confidence: I'll just pretend to look at the ice cream flavors, and when the rain calms down I will leave. Well, I swing open the door, and the smell of freshly made waffle cones hits me. I had no choice but to run out of there as fast as I could. By the time I got home, my blouse was transparent, and would have won a wet t-shirt contest hands down. Zero competition.

I was out of popcorn, and had to stop by the grocery store. As I make my way down the aisle, something sparkles out of the corner of my eye. And there is a 6 foot poster with the words " four pints of Ben & Jerry's for $9.00". SHOOT ME NOW. Again, I bee-lined out of the grocery store. HA HA! I feel like some sort of super hero with all of the food villains out after me.

I just got back from the store, and my friend calls me to say " Hey, it's free cone day at Ben & Jerry's and I could die for a cone right now, are you in?" I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. For the love of God, may the evil ice cream devil leave me be!

I am happy to say that I declined. Let's see what else gets thrown my way tomorrow. 1 more day until weigh in.

To all those that commented on my ONDERLAND post, thank you ever so much! It really means a lot to me to receive such fantastic feedback.

Butterfly has left the building.

O-N-E-D-E-R-L-A-N-D!!!!!!!!

2008-07-26T11:03:00.004-04:00

I did it. I F%^&ING DID IT! I am officially out of the 200+ club. Yes, I still have a ways to go until I hit my goal weight of 135 lbs, but I'm closer now than I was when I started this journey on February 15th. I am on Cloud Nine.

I was so choked when I weighed in this morning. They modified the meeting room, so now we can no longer see the number on the scale as the screen is behind the counter.. Some people don't know how much they weigh, which I understand because at first I did not want to know either.

I stepped up onto the scale, and exhaled (hey, air weighs something right?). The set of eyes behind the counter lit up. " You're down 5.4 this week. This puts you at 197 lbs". I felt the tears well up. I wanted to bawl my eyes out and jump for joy all at the same time. I did it I did it I did it!!!!

February 15, 2008, a very sad girl started her weight loss journey weighing in at 245 lbs, and only standing at 5 feet 2 inches tall. Today, July 26, 2008, that same girl weighs in at 197 lbs (yes, my height has remained the same LOL). YAY, YAY, and.... YAY!!!!!!

I'm aiming to hit my goal weight by my birthday next year. I want to hit my goal on May 22, 2009. I know another 60 lbs is quite ambitious for that date, but I'm going to try to do whatever I can to make it there.

Today is a very happy day.

BACK !!

2008-07-16T19:37:00.002-04:00

Cuba was absolutely amazing. I just can't get over it! We had a blast and I'll never forget this experience. Lucky for me, the food was terrible. Now I say this because I was able to stay on track. Sure the food I did eat wasn't so great, but that didn't keep me away from eating "naughty" things. I only liked the food at the snack bar: burgers, pizza, fries, etc.. I ate these things, but these were the actual meals of my day. We'd spend hours on end in the water swimming, snorkeling, pedal boating, riding the waves and so on. I had enough activity points accumulated for all of us! Because I was so active during the day, I didn't feel bad for eating my "naughty" foods. The heat left us with absolutely no appetites. We drank a lot of water and juices during the day to stay hydrated, but really lacked appetites.

We did two excursions: A catamaran boat trip, and a day tour of Havana. Am I ever happy that we did both! The catamaran was absolutely amazing. We were able to jump off the boat in the middle of the ocean to swim over the coral reef and see the most beautiful fish ever. We then ate lunch on a deserted island which was just fantastic. We feasted on Lobster, Shrimp and Fish. All LP foods! We swam around the coast of the island, and back on the boat to go SWIM WITH DOLPHINS!!!!!! What a beautiful day!

Two days later, we went to Havana which is an incredible city that is just crying for help. The town has so much potential- probably the most beautiful architecture I've ever seen in my life but just falling apart. It's such a shame to see such beauty go to waste. We spent the entire day touring old and new Havana. I wonder sometimes why I live in such a frigid climate, but realize that we can't have it all. Yes Montreal is iced over more than half the year, but at least I'm not on food rations living in a home that should be condemned. Hopefully Fidel's brother will turn Cuba around.

On a higher note, we danced the night away every single night! We met some fantastic people on the resort who partied with us the whole week. Yes I definitely indulged and was on an unlimited Pina Colada diet, but I came back 2.4 lbs lighter! I am now 2.2 lbs away from ONDERLAND. These last ten lbs feel like they've been taking forever to shed. TOM is back, so this week will obviously not be the week I hit the below 200 mark. When I start to think negatively like this I have to keep reminding myself just how well I've done and how far I've come since February. I'm almost 45 lbs lighter and counting!

On yet another high note I'll share a little story. About 6-7 years ago, I made my first online purchase. At the time, plus sized clothing hadn't yet made the change it had. The options available in Canada were not as vast as in the U.S. Plus sized clothing here forced us into a style well beyond our years. Sequins & Floral patterns on a teen? I had ordered a pair of white jeans from a clothing store that specialized in 14+ clothes for a younger crowd. I always had it in my head that american clothes were made large, so ordered a size lower than I was at the time.

My parcel finally arrived, and I eagerly jumped out of my clothes to try on my new pants. The tears started to fall: I couldn't get the jeans up past my knees. I had been planning outfits around these pants. I'll never forget this moment. Was I really that big? Maybe they sent the wrong size?

I started getting rid of some of my "fat clothes" this week end. As I near the back of my closet, the white pants make their appearance. They've been with me through 3 moves and I've always told myself that one day I'll get in them which is why I've held on to them for so long. I was about to toss them into the donation bag without even trying them on. I just thought about all the other times I had tried them on only to be disapointed. I thought to myself, what the hell, just try 'em on. To my surprise and utter amazement, the jeans are WAY TOO BIG now!! The tears started to fall again, only this time out of sheer joy!

On this note, I'll bid adieu and will report back once I've hit ONDERLAND.

My name is Cuban Pete....

2008-06-26T11:07:00.002-04:00

Just 3 more "dodo's" till my feet will be in the sand. I am just so excited! I can't believe that my vacation is almost here!
I didn't do so well last week on my trip. I stayed away from the sweets and tracked my points. Why did I gain 3 lbs? Well, TOM was here. Yes, my beloved friend TOM. He usually brings a weight gain whenever he comes in to town. I was also a little heavy on the wine at night. Even though I tracked the wine, it still leads to dehydration and seeing as I was retaining water just with TOM to begin with, it added to my inflation. Oh well. Minor set back. I won't kill myself over it. I'm saying this even though I am just sooooo upset with myself over this gain. I could have done better, but hopefully this weeks weigh in will make me happy! I'm anxious to weigh in on Saturday so I know pretty much exactly how much I weigh at the start of my trip. I'll be missing my first weigh in the week after, so a full two weeks will pass by for my next. Will I reach Onederland? A place I haven't been to in almost a decade? I hope so! I may be being a little ambitious, but I'm 6.5 lbs away from it. We'll just see how you do. For those few that read my blog. Have a fantastic week! I'll definitely be posting when I get back, along with some pics! Maybe I'll go all crazy and let the camera be out when I'm in a bathing suit (that hasn't happened since I was like 5 yrs old). oh, before I forget, the title of my post was inspired by a song I've had stuck in my head ever since I booked my trip. Here's a clip of the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJej6kCgxVM
Ta ta for now!!

203 and going strong!

2008-06-11T10:02:00.004-04:00

I haven't written in a little while and just thought I'd update. Life has been really hectic lately. I'm out of town next week as I'm presenting a seminar for work, I'll be back in town for a week, and then off to CUBA!
In the last 17 weeks, I have lost a total of 42LBS!!! I am absolutely ecstatic. Things are going so smooth! And now for the worries: Seminars equal conference rooms. Conference rooms equal receptions. Receptions equal tables of sweets that stretch as far as the eye can see. Cuba. All-inclusive vacation-need I say more? We've been talking quite a bit about all inclusive vacations at my Weight Watchers meetings. People go south with the intention to eat/drink the value of the trip to "get their money's worth". One thought that is often left out is that you paid to go to the resort as well, not just binge eat. I've set myself up with a plan to follow while on vaca. Start with salads, vegetables etc. There is a grill option as well to select your seafood ( hi, shrimp account for barely any points!), chicken, beef etc... I think I'll be ok. My main worry is the Pina Coladas.. I haven't seen the ocean in 4 years so I feel I deserve to have a few on the beach. I promised myself to keep active. My leader says I should plan for a controlled gain, but of course I'd rather just break even.

Please share your thoughts and suggestions for my trips. Your opinion is important :P

Oh, before I forget: This picture was taken on Saturday. I was playing tourist in my own city for Grand Prix week end. 42 lbs gone does a body good!

Check out this fantastic video taken from http://www.pastaqueen.com/halfofme/archives/2008/06/how_to_lose_192.html

Naughty naughty

2008-05-19T17:38:00.002-04:00

It's 5 o'clock and I've got all but 7 pts left. I haven't had dinner yet so I'm kind of worried. I snack the most during the evening and I've begged myself to get back on track. Saturdays' weigh in was great. Another 4 lbs gone. I'm totally ecstatic.. the unfortunate part is that I've eaten out every day this week end and went over my pts Sat & Sun. I almost feel like going to bed at 7 to avoid the possibilty of giving in to tempations.

When I'm at work, it's much easier to stick to the plan as I eat on a schedule and don't have my fridge right next to me calling my name. I don't want to have a gain this week, I don't want to disapoint myself.

It's a miserable and rainy day, so of course I don't feel like stepping foot outside. What do I do to keep myself entertained?

My birthday is coming up on Thursday, so of course there is another night of eating out. How will this week turn out? Will I have a gain or will I make a turn around and make myself happy with a loss?

I can see it in your face too.

2008-05-13T08:53:00.003-04:00

I witnessed quite the interaction yesterday. A colleague of mine is doing the Smart For Life Weight Loss plan. This is a diet where you eat six cookies per day, and a lean meal at night.
Although I somewhat disapprove of this "get thin quick" scheme, she's doing fantastic and sticking to her guns. Sure, the weight loss is much faster than Weight Watchers, but Smart for Life is a diet whereas Weight Watchers is a lifestyle change. Her intentions are to drop a large portion of weight to start on this regime, and then switch to WW. She's lost just as much weight as I have in half the time, but she's completely miserable.

I feel bad for her when I see her practically holding her nose to somehow swallow these revolting looking cookies. Sure you can alternate between the cookies and the shakes, but it all boils down to a controlled calorie intake of 800 Calories per day. NOT HEALTHY. This is her business and she can do as she wishes but hopefully she won't be disapointed in the end.

So now back to where I started. Our manager has been out of the office for a few weeks (yay.happy.joy!). She happened to come by our work stations yesterday, and I see her start to do the most annoying thing ever. She stops, tilts her head sideways, back to the other direction, and just stares at my colleague. I just waited for her to open her mouth. 15 seconds later, the inevitable happened. "Did you lose weight?I can see it in your face". We both looked at each other slightly amused. Her response was a simply and tactful "Yes I did and thank you". I could see that our manager quickly got the message and decided not to pursue further with the what I call the Triple H question: How, How much, and How long have you been doing it. SUCCESS!

I've lost a whopping 32 lbs to date. I'm 16 away from my mini-goal as it stands. Last night was a difficult one, but I plan on making up for it today. I had eaten my dinner, and had 3 pts left for snacking. Great. The phone rings, and some friends of mine wanted me to join them out for dinner. I told them that I had already eaten, but would love to be in their company as it was only 7 PM. We get to the restaurant, and the food devil apparently came and sat right next to me. I open the menu and start salivating. I gave in and ordered! Shame on me, however the way I look at it, it could have been a lot worse. I ordered a chicken souvlaki which equates to 7 pts. Ok so I went 4 pts over, but I also count my morning coffees (I'm not sure how a table spoon of milk accounts for 1 pt but I do count it). So if we delete the coffee, I went over by 3 pts. Today will be a better day. I will go for a run, and I will swim. I am determined! I want to lose 3 lbs this week and I'm going to do what it takes to achieve this. Wish me luck!

Back to Square One.. but it's a good thing

2008-05-03T12:38:00.003-04:00

Todays' weigh in was a great success. Last weeks gain has been officially cancelled out. I lost 2.6 lbs this week, so I'm technically down .6 lbs. Yay!! Aunt Flo definitely played a role in last weeks gain, not to mention the "ginormous" loss the week before.

I had a one on one with my leader today, and we've set another goal to hit. My initial ten percent goal was 24 lbs. I'm going to aim for another 10%, so I've got 21 lbs to lose for my short term goal. We figured that based on my past performance, this should be achieved by September without question. I'm actually going to do whatever it takes to reach this by July 15. I figure that in the next 10.5 weeks I could achieve this. I'm totally up for the challenge. Hooray!!

I'm on a mission to try to lose about 2 lbs per week. I'm not going to question myself and say " can I do it?", I WILL DO IT.

If anyone has any suggestions for this, please drop me a line! I am determined to be able to wear a swim suit on the beach for my vacation. NO, I will not be wearing a bikini ( I don't want to offend anyone), but a tankini will be just fine. I don't want to be the one wearing shorts & a t-shirt. I'd actually like to go to a water park this summer. GD knows I've been avoiding those for the last decade.

The challenge begins!!!

Can't help but feel disapointed

2008-04-27T09:16:00.005-04:00

So I did it. I had my biggest gain. I'm up 2 lbs this week. Ok, now that that's out in the open, it's time to kick some butt this week! I'm not too upset with the gain as it was expected. I lost 7.4 lbs last week, and my leader told me to expect a gain this week as that kind of loss was just too much for a week. I thought I'd prove her wrong and lose again this week, but my body just didn't want to hear it. I worked out every single day, I ate 1 point of food less per day, and even used my points on healthier options. All in all I shouldn't be upset because I'm still 5 lbs lighter than I was two weeks ago. I just can't help but feel sorry for myself. Oh and did I mention it was my T.O.M too? Yup, the water-retaining enemy is "in da house".

I have to redo my measurements next week for my bridesmaid dress. My measurements were last done in January so it hopefully will be exciting to see the new numbers! The wedding is only in December, but my friend is having the gowns made in the Philippines so they have to be done well in advance. I'm hoping that there will need to be some major alterations done at the end of November! That still gives me some time to trim down significantly and not be the fatty in the skinny bridal party.

All I've ever wanted is to not stand out. To not be that fat girl. To not be the different one. I'm of Polish/Irish descent. You couldn't have a lighter complexion! Growing up, most of my friends were of mediterranean backgrounds. I've always been: the blonde in the group of brunettes. The whitey who couldn't tan if their life depended on it. The short one. And now for the one I've hated my entire life: The fat girl.

I'm tired of being her. I'm tired of being the fat friend. I just want to fit in. I don't want to stand out, and I certainly don't want to carry that lable! I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing. So far I have not cheated at all. Every time I think of stepping off and indulging, I always remind myself that this is just delaying the process.

The most fantastic quote I heard this week was this:

What you eat in private is what you wear in public

Now say that isn't food for thought!

Thank you to all that have stopped by. I really appreciate your kind words and I hope that we can learn from eachother and keep eachother pumped. Writing out my sentiments has proven to be really therapeutic.

What does thin feel like?

2008-04-24T12:07:00.003-04:00

Why is it that I always always think I've gained weight just before I step on the scale?

Why do I expect to feel different? Why is it that I always get the jitters and think "oh my Gosh, I've screwed myself over this week. I gained weight. I shouldn't have eaten that bread on Tuesday"?

The same thoughts run through my head every week, since I've started this journey.

I wonder if it will ever be different.

What is thin supposed to feel like?

Deep thoughts... real deep

2008-04-21T17:23:00.001-04:00

My very first blog entry. Wow. I've decided to start writing out the thoughts going through my head throughout this journey. I'm on a mission. I'm done with thigh chafing. I joined weight watchers February 15, 2008 and wow what good I've done for myself. I joined on a whim- a fellow co-worker has been a member for several years, and has suggested/hinted that I join a few times as well. She was about to head off for her weigh in, and I started asking questions re: costs, weigh-in's etc.. I said that I would join next week. no scratch that. I decided to follow with her and join right away. Why delay what I can do today? Hell, I've been delaying this my whole life!! I nervously explained to the leader that I had no desire to know how much I weighed and that if I did I would become obsessed with the number. She was totally cool with that and just took down the digits.

Later that evening, I peeked. YIKES. A whopping 245 lbs! I was litterally twice my moms' size and then some! Now looking back, I'm glad I looked. Yes, it was a total shocker, I mean I knew I was over 200 lbs, but I didn't realize it was that far over! Go figure that I don't have any full-sized mirrors in my home. Out of sight out of mind right?

I'm in my tenth week of membership, and have lost 26.2 lbs! I'm thrilled with my results. I can't believe how far I've come. It's not easy. I won't lie. I can't tell you how many times I've pinched my thighs screaming (in my head of course) " get this fat off of me".

I totally have what I call opposite of anorexia. You don't think you're that fat. No, I'm not that bad. Ya, a little plump, but still ok. WRONG! 245 lbs at 5'2 is not a little plump.

The title of my blog was prompted by a remark that I've been getting that totally irks the $hit out of me. "Hey, I can see you're losing weight. I see it in your face". well then. Thank God my oversized head is getting some rest from the strain!

What to do with me. I get upset when my friends don't notice the loss, and insulted when people do.

What should one respond when another nosy co-worker states the obvious " Hey, I noticed you're losing weight... keep it up!"??? Am I supposed to respond with " Well gee, thanks. I wasn't sure if my thinner bod matched these shoes or not", or how about " Actually I was planning on stopping and doing the opposite. I now aspire to be the fattest woman on the planet, but your words of encouragement will definitely set me in line". Oh thin folk. They just don't get it. I have this rage fire burning in my stomach and they were just trying to be kind.

What to do...