I'm back and pumped!

I realize it's been a little while since my last post. Last weeks' w.i had me down .06, todays' had me up 3 lbs. This is a result of too much partying, laryngittis, a back injury that had me out of the gym for a week ( I took a little tumble) and eating birthday cake for breakfast. Todays' meeting was all about motivation and remembering why we signed up and where we want to be. Our homework was to write out a list of Top 10 Reasons You Want to Lose Weight. Here's mine, in no order of importance:

1. To have a positive self-image

2. To be one of those girls with a 'rockin bod

3. To finally have my permanent clothing and not just transition pieces

4. Top of my physical fitness, to truly be the best I can be

5. To have an added abundance of energy

6. To complete what I've started and not give up 75% of the way there

7. To not be the fat girl

8. To not fear rejection because of my body size

9. To say buh-bye to thigh chaffing

10. To feel good in my skin

I might come back and modify some of these reasons, but for now this is what I'll hold myself to to make sure I get there. If I can do it, anyone can. 

My hormones hate me

Today had to have been the worst W.I ever. I was prepared for it, but nothing can turn this frown upside down. I had a perfect WW week. I tracked, I stayed within my points, exercised like a mad woman, and I was up..... 6 lbs. I know it's water retention, I know it'll go away, I just can't help but feel completely and utterly depressed.

My whole body is aching from the fluid retention and it seems toilet paper commercials are able to bring tears to my eyes today. Bring on the pamprin! If the retention persists, I'll go see my doc & ask them to switch the meds. I can't live like this.

I'm not going to let this get me down.  I could have said " to hell with it all" and ate whatever I wanted and sat on my couch like a bump on a log, but I didn't. Things could have been a lot worse.

Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely - Author unknown. This would have been a great quote had I sabotaged my week so I'll remember to refer back to this post in the future. Hope everyone had a far better week than I had!

Tuesday update

Well, I couldn't expect the weight loss roll to continue so perfectly. I was up 2.2 lbs at last Saturdays W.I. I'm somewhat ambivalent about it. Normally I'd be a little frustrated, but it seems I'm just used to the process. What is frustrating me is that the #'s on the scale seem to have risen since Saturday as well. I've started a new B.C.P after a two-year hiatus so that's most likely what's triggering it. We'll see how the rest of the week pans out. I've still got quite some time to make this week work.

I've been kind of neglecting my blogging. I've had my nose is some books and they seem to be occupying most of my free time. I'm off to see how everyone has been doing.

Saturday Weigh In

I was up .6 for this weeks' W.I. I'm not even upset about it because I know exactly what caused it. I ate like a fool last Friday, and spent every day at the gym this week trying to get rid of the evidence. Both Saturdays and Sundays were insane workouts. I spent 3 1/2 hrs each day there, which amounted to 1200 calorie burn offs each day. The rest of the week I just continued with my usual hour in the morning.

It was a quiet Friday night in, I rented some movies and popped by the grocery store for some dinner items. I ended up buying a ristorante pizza (those delicious Dr. Oetker ones)with the intention of only cooking part of it. Well, the obvious part is that I ended up eating the entire thing to myself, drinking an obscene amount of diet coke, and thawing out some two-bite brownies that were hiding in the freezer. Who knew those things were 140 calories! I did up my weights by 2.5 kg on most of the equipment so I could claim that there's some added muscle mass that may be this weeks' guest on the scale show.

Went to the movies Saturday night, brought along some Weight Watchers pretzels, and we bought our own candy. I picked up a single serving-sized bag of Swedish Berries. Better than a chocolate bar, right? WRONG. I ate the berries thinking I was having a light guilty snack but I was so wrong. Later on that night I took out the crumpled wrapper from my purse to read the nutritional info. Ready for this? 240 calories!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There's approximately 20 little gummies in the bag. Sneaky little devils! I would have thought 80 cals at most. I guess this was a reality check that I needed:make sure there's money in the bank before writing a cheque.

Had another crazy workout today and I'm dead tired. I'm supposed to go to the movies again tonight and you can bet I won't be buying any Swedish Berries! I'm supposed to go out bar hopping after, but I have to do some new software testing for work and the testing starts at 4:00 a.m. In theory, I could drag my butt from the bar to my computer. The reality: I do have to be alert and sober.

Really pumped for a successful week. Our leader will be away for an undisclosed period of time and I'm not the replacements biggest fan. She talks quite a bit about herself and I miss the class participation. A lot of people are feeling the same. I may just go W.I on Thursday night instead, but I'd be losing a W.I day.

So despite a teeny weeny gain, I had an on point "business week" and was a little gym bunny.
Happy week end everyone!

Rawrrrr!!

Up .8. I know it could just be muscle gain, or water retention from TOM's imminent arrival, but it still has me growling! Just frustrating when you're on track and you're working out 5 days a week.

Oh well! I'm not going to let this throw me over. I had two weeks of nice numbers so next week will be even better.

I weighed in Friday morning because I knew I'd be going out last night and I wanted to be able to sleep in today, as much as I love my 9:00 a.m. Saturday W.I's. I may or may not have had 3-4 smirnoff ice's. I may or may not have indulged in finger foods at the bar such as calamari, cheese and bread, and pickles. I may or may not have had a big mac combo at 3 a.m. either or too.

I may or may not be rather upset with myself for allowing myself to eat such junk. I have absolutely no restraint while under the influence (when it comes to food choices).

I am definitely going to eat well today. I am certainly going to the gym this afternoon. I am most likely going to just get over what I did and realize that I can indulge every so often. A year ago, I would have had no qualms with any of it! I did eat well during the day on Friday so it's not completely terrible!

Today is a fresh start. Cheers to being on track! - and yes, that's a glass of water I'm holding up!

Still truckin'

I've been a terrible blogger lately. I work such long hours and send about 100 e-mails a day out that I hardly feel like writing at the end of it. Thankfully, the workload seems to be lessening and I'm starting to see the light.

I was down 1.8 on Saturday which is just great. I've lost more weight in the last two weeks than I have December/January combined. I'm definitely officially back in the groove of things and I'm pumped. I've been thinking a lot lately about where I am in my life and where I want to be. I'm going to really buckle down and keep focused. I wanted to be at goal by May. I've now realized that May is really just around the corner, and it while it is possible, losing another 40 lbs by then is just unrealistic and unhealthy.

My goals aren't really all about the number on the scale anymore. I'm focused on challenging myself physically to be in the best shape my body can be, as well as eliminating a large percentage of processed foods and eating a more natural diet. Sugar substitues and 100 calorie packs have been a great crutch for getting me where I am today, but again, they're crutches and I want to eliminate them from my diet. I've got to rid myself of the training wheels!

Still going to the gym Mon-Thur in the morning, and then again on Saturdays. Feels great. Been doing a lot of cardio and really working the triceps. I don't want to have flappy arms so I'm doing what I can to eliminate the dammage I've done and prevent any further. I can already see definition in my biceps. Who knew there were muscles under there!

And bless this machine: Wave . Wanna have some killer thighs & buns? This baby will do it!

Ok, I'm seriously going to go catch up on my blog reading.

Still alive, barely

Yay, I've been nominated! I'll post the link and picky my ladies/gents later on today. I'm really honored to have been thought of. I'm touched.

I was up at 4:00 a.m. this morning and I'm not sure why! I've been complaining to myself all week that I haven't been getting enough sleep. I've been running around shopping, working late, going to parties-it's been non-stop action around here! Saturday's W.I had me up 1.6. Thanks to the parties, and a lot,a lot a lot of booze on Friday. I was not on track to say the least. I did exercise but it definitely wasn't enough to offset the damage. The office party on Friday was kick-ass! I had chicken parmigiana with about a half a bottle of wine and a rum & coke. We ended up later at an Irish pub where I had the most delicious Black Velvet (Guiness & Cider combo) and about 3-4 Smirnoff Ice. We then continued the party on to another bar where I had 2 more smirnoff ice & a vodka cran. Had a lot of fun and ended up at home at 4:00 a.m.

Believe it or not, I made it to my W.I for 9:00 a.m. I was up at 8 and still drunk. Unfortunately Saturday was the meeting where we went over the new Momentum plan and as you can imagine I was willing the time to pass by. People were loud, I was in another world, and my mouth felt like sand paper. I could not drink enough water!
I'm not usually such a lush and I got to pay for it all day Saturday! I spent the rest of the day entertaining a friend from out of town and stayed in Saturday night to try to recover. Yesterday was another busy day of shopping and entertaining my friend so I have still not fully recovered from Friday's night of insanity.

Met a nice guy on Friday. Too bad I was feeling a little too good to remember a lot of what he told me. I know we laughed a lot, he walked me home and was very gentlemanly with a simple kiss on the cheek good night. Thumbs Up.

I did hear back from dude from a month ago. Funny how they take so long to call. I'm not impressed. Told him that it was nice of him to call but I'm no longer interested. You snooze, you lose.

I'm off to the dentist now. Broke two fillings on tostitos yesterday and I'm not a happy camper. Broke one on each side. That'll teach me to eat chips!

I voted for me

So, TOM had me up .8. No biggie. The meeting felt as if it was customized to me. This weeks topic was about elections. The leader gave each of us a piece of paper and instructed us to write down whether or not we voted for ourselves based on how our week went.

This is what mine looked like:

I tracked 6 out 0f 7 days
I drank my water
I did not exceed my points allowance
I worked out 4 times

I was up .8- I tried.

She picked up all the papers and read out the answers to tally up the Yes & No votes. When mine was read (anonymously), every person in the room had a comment to make and I felt so relieved. I was reminded that our body does not know that it is 9:00 a.m. Saturday morning and that it must perform. Had I weighed myself the following day, the .8 might not have been there. Hormones are a dangerous thing. Increased exercise can add to a gain, etc etc etc. My note was considered a YES vote because I did try, I stuck to the plan, which meant that I was thinking of me.

I spent years of my life not voting for me. I accepted how I was and let it become part of my identity. I accepted that I could not shop in regular stores. I accepted that I did not like my body. I accepted that I was exhausted after a 20 min walk home. I accepted that my feet hurt regardless of the shoes I was wearing. I accepted that I felt pale in contrast to others. I voted for everyone but myself.

February 15 2008 marked a change in my "self-politics". I decided to vote for me. I decided that I wanted change and the only person stopping me from it was myself. Not being one to trust politicians, the trust and confidence I had in my actions had to be earned. They all talk the talk, but once in power, they seldom deliver. Not in this case. I voted myself in and I will continue to do so. I am confident in my actions because I know what I want and am determined to see it materialize. There has been a dramatic difference in my appearance and confidence over the past few months. I am delivering the changes I wanted. I'd vote for me again.

Here's a fun little story about my attempt at renting a movie last night. The video store (archaic term, I know) does not provide membership cards. Instead, they take a picture of you to store on their records. I had forgotten about this. Last night around 11 I ran out in my pj's to rent a movie. I take the case to the the cash and the clerk asks me for my phone number. I see him glancing at his monitor, then back at me, then back to his monitor. I was confused. I was starting to think that maybe I had a late fee that I had forgotten about, or the movie I wanted wasn't in etc etc. " This is not your account" he says. I gave him my # once again. " I'm sorry miss, this is not your account". " Of course it is, my telephone number is bla bla, my address is bla bla" I snap back. Then it clicked. " Oh, my picture" I say, turning 50 different shades of red. "I've changed a bit since then" I explained. I showed him some ID and managed to convince him that it was indeed me. He didn't argue any further. I grabbed my movies and ran out.

That felt great.

Saturday Morning Weigh In Results & Last Nights Dinner Horror Story

Going out for dinner last night was quite an adventure. The menu made me cringe. Every item seemed to have the words drenched, battered, glazed,crispy,smothered,tantalizing,melt in your mouth, Oh the list goes on.

I settled on the most WW friendly item on the menu: a chicken brochette with salad and rice. Not an entirely terrible choice. Thankfully the waiter quickly came to take our orders so I didn't have time to change my mind. We were minding our own business waiting for the food to arrive when the waiter came to see us. " A large group has just come in and we're going to need for you to change tables" he says. " My manager is offering each of you an appetizer on the house". I cringed. I wanted to crawl under the table.

My friends agreed to accept the appetizers. I just said that I didn't want to spoil my appetite for my dish because I was really looking forward to it. I gave myself a mental pat on the back and watched them devour the cheesy potato skins, garlic bread, calamari, and the spinach dip with nachos.

No sooner had we finished our plates, the waiter is back at our table. "I'm sorry to bother you again ladies. We will need to move you to another table. The manager has offered coffee and dessert for your trouble" He explains. "We're terribly sorry for the inconvenience" He continues to take our plates away and moves us to our new table.

The dessert options are posted on some sort of flip card that sits in the middle of the table. Sweets are my kryptonite so it was my mission to make all of the desserts sound revolting. " The carrot cake is probably dry.The cheese cake probably has that gross skin on the outside from sitting in a rotating display case. Eew, can you imagine how over-sweet the chocolate cake is? Ice cream, puh-lease. It's probably been sitting in a bin in a freezer somewhere underneath ten layers of ice crystals".

My remarks didn't steer my friends away from the choices, but I am proud to say that I did not give in. I had a coffee and that was it. Funny how when things are free we suddenly want them. No one had voluntarily ordered a starter and no one was even considering ordering dessert. Insert the words free or on the house and suddenly we're all singing a different tune. If I wasn't planning on having it, I won't.

My WI was not so terrible considering my eating habits & lack of exercise this week. I was up .06 and was pretty shocked about it. I was expecting a 2 lb gain. I'm going to kick some serious ass this week.

It'sssssssssssssssss ooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Wedding

One of my closest childhood friends got married yesterday, and the Wedding absolutely wonderful!

I am so glad I was there to witness their union.

The whole day was really fantastic. I was down 3lbs, so I totally cancelled out last weeks 2.6 gain and then some! I may have just gained it all back at the Wedding though! We did have a 7 course meal, followed by cake & a sweets table! Since I was the designated driver, I didn't drink (although everyone else took huge advantage of the open bar), and I was the designated sweet eater!

One night of good food will not make me have a bad week. I am confident that this week will be another successful weight loss week.

Oh one last thing:

You go Montreal!!

http://news.sympatico.msn.ctv.ca/abc/home/contentposting.aspx?isfa=1&feedname=CTV-TOPSTORIES_V3&showbyline=True&newsitemid=CTVNews%2f20080921%2fmontreal_bixi_080921

Can't help but feel disapointed

So I did it. I had my biggest gain. I'm up 2 lbs this week. Ok, now that that's out in the open, it's time to kick some butt this week! I'm not too upset with the gain as it was expected. I lost 7.4 lbs last week, and my leader told me to expect a gain this week as that kind of loss was just too much for a week. I thought I'd prove her wrong and lose again this week, but my body just didn't want to hear it. I worked out every single day, I ate 1 point of food less per day, and even used my points on healthier options. All in all I shouldn't be upset because I'm still 5 lbs lighter than I was two weeks ago. I just can't help but feel sorry for myself. Oh and did I mention it was my T.O.M too? Yup, the water-retaining enemy is "in da house".

I have to redo my measurements next week for my bridesmaid dress. My measurements were last done in January so it hopefully will be exciting to see the new numbers! The wedding is only in December, but my friend is having the gowns made in the Philippines so they have to be done well in advance. I'm hoping that there will need to be some major alterations done at the end of November! That still gives me some time to trim down significantly and not be the fatty in the skinny bridal party.

All I've ever wanted is to not stand out. To not be that fat girl. To not be the different one. I'm of Polish/Irish descent. You couldn't have a lighter complexion! Growing up, most of my friends were of mediterranean backgrounds. I've always been: the blonde in the group of brunettes. The whitey who couldn't tan if their life depended on it. The short one. And now for the one I've hated my entire life: The fat girl.

I'm tired of being her. I'm tired of being the fat friend. I just want to fit in. I don't want to stand out, and I certainly don't want to carry that lable! I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing. So far I have not cheated at all. Every time I think of stepping off and indulging, I always remind myself that this is just delaying the process.

The most fantastic quote I heard this week was this:

What you eat in private is what you wear in public

Now say that isn't food for thought!

Thank you to all that have stopped by. I really appreciate your kind words and I hope that we can learn from eachother and keep eachother pumped. Writing out my sentiments has proven to be really therapeutic.