Monday, April 21, 2008

Deep thoughts... real deep

My very first blog entry. Wow. I've decided to start writing out the thoughts going through my head throughout this journey. I'm on a mission. I'm done with thigh chafing. I joined weight watchers February 15, 2008 and wow what good I've done for myself. I joined on a whim- a fellow co-worker has been a member for several years, and has suggested/hinted that I join a few times as well. She was about to head off for her weigh in, and I started asking questions re: costs, weigh-in's etc.. I said that I would join next week. no scratch that. I decided to follow with her and join right away. Why delay what I can do today? Hell, I've been delaying this my whole life!! I nervously explained to the leader that I had no desire to know how much I weighed and that if I did I would become obsessed with the number. She was totally cool with that and just took down the digits.

Later that evening, I peeked. YIKES. A whopping 245 lbs! I was litterally twice my moms' size and then some! Now looking back, I'm glad I looked. Yes, it was a total shocker, I mean I knew I was over 200 lbs, but I didn't realize it was that far over! Go figure that I don't have any full-sized mirrors in my home. Out of sight out of mind right?

I'm in my tenth week of membership, and have lost 26.2 lbs! I'm thrilled with my results. I can't believe how far I've come. It's not easy. I won't lie. I can't tell you how many times I've pinched my thighs screaming (in my head of course) " get this fat off of me".

I totally have what I call opposite of anorexia. You don't think you're that fat. No, I'm not that bad. Ya, a little plump, but still ok. WRONG! 245 lbs at 5'2 is not a little plump.

The title of my blog was prompted by a remark that I've been getting that totally irks the $hit out of me. "Hey, I can see you're losing weight. I see it in your face". well then. Thank God my oversized head is getting some rest from the strain!

What to do with me. I get upset when my friends don't notice the loss, and insulted when people do.

What should one respond when another nosy co-worker states the obvious " Hey, I noticed you're losing weight... keep it up!"??? Am I supposed to respond with " Well gee, thanks. I wasn't sure if my thinner bod matched these shoes or not", or how about " Actually I was planning on stopping and doing the opposite. I now aspire to be the fattest woman on the planet, but your words of encouragement will definitely set me in line". Oh thin folk. They just don't get it. I have this rage fire burning in my stomach and they were just trying to be kind.

What to do...


Carolyn said...

OH Lord, you write like me!!!
Love the last bit of this post... I totally understand what you mean! But my next question to ponder is then, "why are we so sensitive about teh freaking issue?" If it were 'nice pants' I wouldn't think twice... it's strange, isn't it?
Let the headgames begin! OUr new contestant, Butterfly! Step right up!

WElcome, and thanks for the kind words! I look forward to learning from you!!

butterfly said...

It's so great to know that there's support out there. I don't really have it through my immediate group so reading your blog and knowing that other people are experiencing the same things makes me lose that whole " I'm doing this by myself" feeling.

You look fab in your new jeans, and you will continue to look even more fantastic!

Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate it =)