Friday, October 31, 2008

My Halloween Costume

So I was feeling somewhat creative this morning and did decide to dress up for work. I figured what could be better than sitting in a t-shirt & leggings at the office? It was a great way to be extremely comfortable at work sans the business attire and show team spirit at the same time. Authentic 80's attire here. If only my shoes could have shown up in the pic: L.A Gear, anyone?

The chocolates & candies have been flying around the office but that's ok! I enjoyed 1 mini-aero with my coffee, tracked it, and moved on! The water cooler has been owned, and uhm.. so has the ladies room.

Anyone else in blogland dressed up today?

H-A-L-L-O Boo boo! W-E-E and an N!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Any wagers for my Saturday W.I?

What a wicked week of eating I've had so far. I think TOM's imminent arrival is pulling the strings behind my puppet-like uncontrollable eating. I haven't been eating junk (we are forgetting about the cookie dough that I found in the freezer last Sat that I made & ate all to myself) just a lot. I've had an insatiable appetite since Saturday. There's no space between meals, it's just one continuous track on repeat. My food intake has looked a little something like this, bearing in mind that my daily points allowance is 23:

Wake up with: Tea + WW toast w/ cream cheese: 3 pts
Get to the office: Coffee + 2 mini muffins+ 4 pts
Getting closer to lunch: More WW toast w/ apple butter, banana, 1/2 cup special k: 4 pts
Lunch: TV Dinner, Yogurt, All Bran Bar, Chocolate Single, Apple: 9 pts
Afternoon Snack: Huge cup of tea, bag popcorn, cheese slice: 4 pts
Supper: 2 hamburgers (1/2 cup of beef so they're small) w/onion chive c.cheese on ww bread w/tomatoes,lettuce,ketchup. 1, yes 1, entire butternut squash, mushrooms, 1 baked sweet potato: 10
Dessert/Evening Snack: more popcorn, apple, cheese,chocolate (in rotation) approx 3 pts depending on which I chose that night.

37 PTS! Can you believe it? AND to top it off? The exercise I've done this week: taking the stairs when I get home. I live on the 11th floor, but still. Insufficient.

I startled myself when I snapped out of a mindless eating coma yesterday. An old,old habit came out of no where and bit me. I did make a rule that I'm not allowed to eat unless I'm sitting down and what do you know? I catch myself eating out of the fridge. The killer? I was picking at my lunch for the next day.

What on earth came over me? What caused this food trance?

Any thoughts on how my W.I will go on Sat? Any tips on what to do for the next 2 days to possibly cancel out my naughtiness?

Monday, October 27, 2008

Looking for motivation?

Please but please do yourselves a favor and read Angie's post at:

I'm feeling pumped. She couldn't have written this at a better time.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

I've been Weighed, oh and Tagged!

This mornings' W.I has me down 1.8 lbs to 185. Yahoo! I'm starting to see the light. Within the next 2 weeks I'll be out of the 180's for sure. Yay! I haven't seen these #'s for about 10 yrs, and I'm only 25. I look at pictures of me in high school when I thought I was fat and I just want to go back in time and shake myself.

The lovely
Jordanna has tagged me. I will now list 6 Interesting things about myself (or at least I think are interesting if not quirky or odd). My "tag" victims will appear at the bottom & I best see this copied =)

1. Jordanna and I have something in common. We're both in finance. Oddly enough, I graduated with a degree in graphic design and somehow ended up in retirement planning.

2. I'm a restless sleeper. I envy those that sleep like the dead. Making my bed in the morning would be so much easier if I didn't have to put the sheets back on! I don't mind too much... activity points while in R.E.M? Ha!

3. My favorite condiment is ketchup. Always has been. I buy the family-sized tub & I live alone if that offers any insight. Heinz only though. You can't fool me. I can tell the difference just like Coke & Pepsi.

4. I'm half Polish/half Irish. Now with this mix-matched ethnic composition you'd assume that I have alcohol for blood and potatoes for eyes. Unfortunately I am allergic to sulfites and since many, many different types of alcohols contain sulfites, I break out in hives when I drink. A Pol that is allergic to Vodka? That is I. Do I ignore the symptoms? We'll leave that to another post.

5. I hate socks but am an avid shoe collector . If I could live in a world/climate where being bare foot was the norm I'd be set. In summer months I'm in flip flops 90 % of the time- it's the closest thing to being bare foot!

6. I am a neat freak. I'm comparable to Monica on Friends. OCD, anyone?

This was the best I could do for a lazy and rainy Saturday afternoon!

Who have I chosen to tag you ask?

True Heart Girl

Butterfly Out (Ha, Take that Seacrest

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Biggest Loser:Family Edition Episode 6.7

Ok, was anyone as scandalized as I was last night with Vicky? I'm not her biggest fan to begin with, simply because I don't think she's in the competition for the right reasons. Sure, the cash prize is great, but isn't this a weight loss competition? She's said many times that she wants to win the $$ and she'll do whatever it takes to do so. For this reason, I do not admire her whatsoever & I hope she gets booted off. My eyes welled up with tears at the balance beam competition when she decided to sit out. She turned her nose up at the prize while others shed tears of joy at the thought of seeing their family. A video from home of loved ones was not worth the challenge in her mind. Had it been a 2lb advantage or something different, she would have competed, but a video of people she hadn't seen for 6 weeks was not a good enough prize. Granted this is reality TV, but I'm rooting for the ones that are seeing the big picture of a healthy weight and lifestyle, not dollar signs.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Must Read

Good Morning!

I am urging you all to read Charlotte's post at:
What an absolutely fantastic, eloquently written, and thought-provoking topic.

For all of my Fitness Queens, please read Mizfit's post from Oct 18 " The Blog Free Wonder" @
Really really enjoyed this read. Gotta admire a woman who's got so much to say & no time to maintain a blog hehehhe! Really awesome chica. Lovin' da Mizfit!

I'd like to thank all the ladies who commented on my last post. Sharing your thoughts really helped me get my own together. I do hope that feeling fat or always thinking about it eventually becomes a thing of the past, although I'm not sure it's something I could ever not feel or think of. I thought the same when I quit smoking. I wondered if I'd ever identify myself as a non-smoker or if my cravings would ever go away. Thankfully they did. I can't even imagine myself as a smoker nor do I ever crave a smoke and it's only been a year and a half.

Made Bananas Foster in the crock pot last night. Totally delicious over vanilla yogurt for breakfast. A 4 point breakfast is a-ok with me!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Saturday Morning Weigh In

So the good news is that even though I celebrated Thanksgiving for a week, I stayed the same. I did NOT want to step on the scale this morning but I was relieved when the "weigh in girl" told me that I stayed the same. I don't know if I could have handled a gain.

Today's meeting was actually pretty emotional. For some reason almost half of the usual crowd did not come. Now that some reason is most likely because they too celebrated Thanksgiving all week and didn't want to face the scale. We spoke a lot about motivation and determination. A lot of members shared some pretty personal emotional issues. Although the meeting was nothing compared to the usual peppy & perky vibe, it really helped. Our Saturday morning never runs the 30 mins that it should. We usually spend so much time talking that they run between an hour and an hour and a half- no complaints from me!

An issue I've been dealing with almost feels like some sort of identity crisis. I've had weight issues ever since I was a child. I can remember a time when I was six years old and an aunt I hadn't seen since I was 3-4 came to visit. She had bought me this red one piece snow suit, but probably was a size for a four-year old. I remember her trying to force the zipper up, my arms suspended in the air because the suit was just soo tight. The worst: I remember her saying " You've got to lose weight,child". This scarred me. A child of that age need not think of their weight but pretty much since that moment I have identified myself as fat. Now this isolated incident did not in itself send me spiraling into years of weight issues. It's always more complex. I cannot blame it on anyone. Food has always been there as comfort. I cannot think of a time in my life where my weight was not my obsession. I've grown up with the thoughts of " when I'll be thin I'll do xyz" or " just wait until I lose weight then they'll see". Like that ridiculous saying goes " there's a thin girl hiding inside of every fat one". Stupid, but I always felt it was true. I always felt like my life would start once I was such and such size. Suddenly my life will begin and I will live happily ever after because once I'm of "normal size" people will now know the real me. What I'm feeling now is this: If I won't be the fat girl anymore, then who will I be? Will I always identify myself as a fat girl? Will I ever rid myself of this feeling?

Because being fat has been part of my identity for so long, I'm starting to think that maybe deep down inside I've almost used it as an excuse. My weight has been some sort of shield. "Oh, they don't like me because I'm fat, but if I were thin they wouldn't treat me like this". My brain has always been my most prized possession. Perhaps I'm afraid that once I get the physical out of the way, I'll feel like people can start judging that? I don't know. I have so many thoughts going on all at once now. I've spent the morning waiting to shout Eureka, I've got it! I now have cracked the code and get it. There isn't just one answer and that's why I'll never have this type of epiphany.

Eating disorders are extremely extremely complex. The difference between it and say for example drug abuse or alcoholism is that the disorder is presented on the outside. You can't hide your addiction. This is one of the reasons that I've started to get somewhat defensive when people ask me " now tell me, just how much have you lost?". You wouldn't ask the same type of question to a recovering anorexic " so just how much weight have you put on?" or " so how much do you eat now compared to before?". How about asking someone who declared bankruptcy who's now got their finances in control about their spending habits and ask them to compare their ways before and after. It's such a touchy topic.

I'm usually such a chipper and optimistic person. Now, just because I'm in a self-analytical mood doesn't mean I have to be in a bad one either. I just need to wrap my head around a few things. Our meeting today was extremely therapeutic and one thing I said made me stop in my tracks right after the words escaped my mouth. The leader was asking us what our goals were and why we set them. I said that my goal was to weigh 135. When the leader asked me why I set that goal, my response was " because at that point I will not be overweight and I'll be happy in my skin".

Why can't I be happy in my skin now?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Election Day

I had a weekend full of turkey and I went to vote for one today too.

I was in one of those " my vote won't even count so why should I bother" moods when I woke up, but I did it. It's my right as a citizen, and all the votes add up. Just like a 1lb loss X 50 adds up! Every vote does count. I almost opted to turn around and run when I got to the voting station though: It was in the basement a.k.a MORGUE of a retirement home!!! Why I had to go to there and my neighbour was sent to vote at the university next door is beyond me. I made my decision as to who I was voting for only once I had the voting card in my hand. It seems I'm not confident in any politician. I have no faith in any of them. One of the politicians in my riding is a former astronaut, another a former broadcaster. Hmm.... space vs. media... LOL

Hopefully things will change this election & people will start to realize that the Bloc Quebecois is a JOKE. Woops, I let out a political view. Oh well, my blog, my rights =) It's just sad when I think that I disagree with 50% of the population in my province. Scary statistic. Can't wait to see the outcome!!

Thanksgiving was just fantastic. What could be better than great food & time with my family?
The crappy mobile pic above is my plate from dinner at my moms. Ham, Squash,yams,turkey,mashed potatoes,cranberry sauce, and sttufffffinnnggggggg. YUM!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Happy Turkey!!!!!!!!!!!

Just got back from my W.I and I'm down 2.2- YAY! 187 lbs doesn't feel too shabby! I worked for it this week though. It was my TOM, and I usually gain regardless of what I do (or so it seemed). I was determined to fight it. ran every night this week and made sure to keep myself busy. I'd usually gain 2.2 during my TOM, but NOT THIS TIME. I didn't want to be pushed back into the other "decade".

This week was all about the squash. I ate about 3 medium-sized butternut squash this week. I just couldn't get enough. When I read up on the nutritional information, I decided that this has to be the best thing out there. 1 cup of butternut squash has something like 300% of the Vitamin A you need in a day. It has anti-inflamatory agents, fights & prevents cancer, is full of fiber- the list goes on! I also made a spaghetti squash caserole and it was simply to die for.

I have two Thanksgiving dinners to go to this week end. Scary I know! Tonights won't be so bad as it's at another WW members' house and she's got everything under control. I'm more worried about dinner at my moms tomorrow. The WW meeting today was all about Thanksgiving and being prepared for it. We created a mock menu and even then the total point amount was astounding. Our menu was even all about being careful and it was still insanely high in points. We just have to remind ourselves that we didn't get to our high weights by eating pumpkin pie once per year and to enjoy ourselves. I'm already drooling thinking about the potatoe casserole that my aunt is bringing tomorrow. I think there's about 10 different cheeses in it and it is what I would describe as Heaven On Earth.

Time for the treadmill.

Happy Thanksgiving my fellow Canadians!!!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Yummy yummy yummy

I have a new obsession: Walden Farms Apple Butter. HOLY YUM! O Calories, 0 Fat, 0 everything! It is sweetened with splenda, and is oohhh so yum. My favorite 1 pt snack of the week: 2 slices of WW bread (toasted of course), and this apple butter. I swear it tastes like apple pie. Ok, so the texture is not quite the same (it's a real jelly) but it's the BOMB on the flavour scale.
I've tried a few of the dressings as well, and they're pretty good! I wasn't really that impressed with the French dressing as it had a bit of a chemical taste, but the Thousand Island & the Asian were really really good! The maple syrup tastes like the real thing just a bit more liquidish. The caramel spread is yummers too.
I want to try the peanut butter, the marshmallow spread, and the BBQ Sauce. Has anyone tried any of these and if so, how were they? Before shelling out $5.00 on a bottle just to find out that it's gross, I'd like to know other people's opinions. Are there any other flavours that you've tried from Walden Farms that I should?
Looking forward to some feedback =)

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Still in the 80's

I was a little nervous for my Weigh In this morning. I went out for drinks on Thursday, and even though I count the "beverages" in to my points, alcohol & weight loss do not mix. My body seems to just go haywire and no matter how well I did all week, I throw it off with the alcohol. I was so worried that I was going to bump myself back into the 90's, but I didn't. I was down by .08 which is great.

I have to vent about this situation because it leaves me completely frustrated. I have a friend who is/was a Weight Watchers member. They were actually one of the people that initially persuaded me into joining. She had lost over 75 lbs, and counting. She met a new guy last June, and sort of let herself go. She stopped going to the meetings, stopped tracking, and stopped returning my calls because she probably knew I was calling to know why she hasn't been at the meetings. When we finally did get together, she explained that she was tired of tracking points and her new man likes her "just the way she is". She apparently took this as a license to completely stop caring for herself. " He likes me how I am now, and wouldn't care if I weighed 500 lbs" she told me. " Well that's great that he likes you regardless" I said. "But what about yourself? Are you happy in your skin regardless of your size?" "Yes" She answered. I figured I wouldn't push it and let it go. I haven't seen her since June. Sadly, she hinted to me that she's gained back a very large percentage of what she lost and she's almost back to square one. That was in September. " We're very much in love still" She tells me.

A month later, her tune has changed. They are not very much in love. He has been avoiding her. She tells me that it's because he has a busy schedule. She later confesses that he asked for space because their relationship was so intense so fast and he needs to get his thoughts together. This may be part of the reason, but I know better. We are visual creatures, but men take the cake in that department. She no longer looks like the woman he met and hasn't taken very long for her to change. He's no longer attracted to her.

How do I motivate her to get back on track without her feeling like I'm thinking "I told you so"? I haven't seen her in months and I'm almost afraid to because I'm afraid of how I will react when I see her. I don't want her to see the shock in my eyes but it's practically impossible. I guess I'm the one that's avoiding her. With such a substantial gain, it's not like I could say that I didn't notice!

Any words from the wise?