Monday, December 29, 2008
The wedding that I've been talking about for over a year has come and gone. My dress fit perfectly, and I was a very happy camper. I'll post pictures soon. That bridesmaids dress was one of the motivators to get my weight loss started to begin with. I am very proud of what I have accomplished.
I still went to weigh in on Saturday, and I'm happy with a 1.8 lb gain. I was actually expecting quite more so I was just thrilled. After a week end away at a wedding, bottomless plates at my parents (Chrismukkah is lethal I tell you)two birthdays, three family get togethers and dinners out with friends, I feel as though I deserved at least a 10 lb gain. Christmas day was just ridiculous. There were plates of nuts, cheeses & pates with assorted crackers and breads, chips, hors d'oeuvres, pecan tarts, nanaimo squares, fudge and the list goes on all over the house. I actually had to take a nap before the turkey dinner because I was so exhausted from eating and was stuffed beyond belief. I can't eat anywhere near the amount of food that I used to and I was watching my portions.
Prior to all of this, I would have easily polished off the entire bowl of cashews. Instead I had a hand full and didn't go back to the dish. Last year, I would have eaten several hors d'oeuvres and then made more to cover my tracks. This year, I was conscious about what I was putting in my mouth and enjoyed every bite. I'm happy that I ate what I wanted and couldn't eat more if I wanted to. The 1.8 gain really leaves me feeling like I cheated on a test and got away with it. It's a really strange feeling.
I'm back on track today. It felt great to bust out the tracker and write out what I ate. I'm not quite sure I'm following the momentum plan, I'm just doing what I always did by tracking and following the healthy guidelines. I actually don't see too much of a change from Flex to Momentum aside from the nifty new booklets.
Anyone else have any thoughts on the Momentum plan?
Off to catch up on my blog reading!
Monday, December 15, 2008
I was up at 4:00 a.m. this morning and I'm not sure why! I've been complaining to myself all week that I haven't been getting enough sleep. I've been running around shopping, working late, going to parties-it's been non-stop action around here! Saturday's W.I had me up 1.6. Thanks to the parties, and a lot,a lot a lot of booze on Friday. I was not on track to say the least. I did exercise but it definitely wasn't enough to offset the damage. The office party on Friday was kick-ass! I had chicken parmigiana with about a half a bottle of wine and a rum & coke. We ended up later at an Irish pub where I had the most delicious Black Velvet (Guiness & Cider combo) and about 3-4 Smirnoff Ice. We then continued the party on to another bar where I had 2 more smirnoff ice & a vodka cran. Had a lot of fun and ended up at home at 4:00 a.m.
Believe it or not, I made it to my W.I for 9:00 a.m. I was up at 8 and still drunk. Unfortunately Saturday was the meeting where we went over the new Momentum plan and as you can imagine I was willing the time to pass by. People were loud, I was in another world, and my mouth felt like sand paper. I could not drink enough water!
I'm not usually such a lush and I got to pay for it all day Saturday! I spent the rest of the day entertaining a friend from out of town and stayed in Saturday night to try to recover. Yesterday was another busy day of shopping and entertaining my friend so I have still not fully recovered from Friday's night of insanity.
Met a nice guy on Friday. Too bad I was feeling a little too good to remember a lot of what he told me. I know we laughed a lot, he walked me home and was very gentlemanly with a simple kiss on the cheek good night. Thumbs Up.
I did hear back from dude from a month ago. Funny how they take so long to call. I'm not impressed. Told him that it was nice of him to call but I'm no longer interested. You snooze, you lose.
I'm off to the dentist now. Broke two fillings on tostitos yesterday and I'm not a happy camper. Broke one on each side. That'll teach me to eat chips!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
A friend of a friend of mine has been going through some rough times with her family. They don't have bad intentions and they want to see their her happy. The unfortunate part is that they are going about it the wrong way. Two weeks ago, she awoke to find a surprise gift from her brother. Right outside her bedroom door was a box of Smart For Life cookies. Now my first reaction was " Oh my gosh, what an #*&*(#&%(*#&*(&#(*&%*(#". He really isn't the whateverwordyouwanttothinkisaid. He simply has absolutely no knowledge on how complex of an issue it is and how the desire to lose has to come from within. I sound like a fortune cookie. I apologize.
Apparently she's been talking about gastric bypass surgery or following the cookie diet. I've said it before and I'll say it again: We must fix what's between the ears first and the rest will follow. You're not really fixing the issue, you're just masking it. You wouldn't just put a bandaid on a cut that needs stitches. The cut needs to be properly cared for and given time to heal.
I grabbed another Week 1 book at the meeting, so if she does contemplate joining Weight Watchers, she can get a sneak peak on how the plan works.
I caved and bought a McDonalds breakfast this morning (12 lousy points!) and I feel nauseous now. I used to be able to eat those sandwiches ( times two) without a problem. My body just can't tolerate the grease anymore. Now that I've blown half of my points on a lousy breakfast sandwich, I'm going to let my stomach settle and go for a run. The rest of the day will be light eating. Yummy windcakes and air soufflees for me!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
It's only $5.00 and the container size is ginormous. I cannot get enough of this spice. I want to put it on everything! I'm not generally a huge mesquite fan to begin with but this, my friends, is something special
Do yourselves a favour and run to Costco. This is not to be missed.
This is my dinner last night. All I did was cut a chicken breast in two, rub the meat in the spice, shove on a rack in a pot (with a lid) and throw it in the oven. 30 mins later, I feasted on this:
Brown & long grain rice, mixed veggies, asparagus and my yummy chicken
Saturday, November 22, 2008
What can I say about the dude. Well to start, he was 15 minutes late. I was sitting alone at the bar, and the bartender asked me if I was waiting for someone. I said yes and that they were running late. The bartender got quite feisty and started going on and on about how that so isn't cool on a first date and that it's a complete lack of respect, yadda,yadda,yadda... I did fully agree, but again in this industry you're totally dependant on your clients times.
When he walked in, my jaw hit the floor. He belongs on the cover of a harlequin complete with horse & beach. Total Mr. McDreamy. I was already on my second drink when he got there so I was completely relaxed. We did not stop talking. It was absolutely fantastic. We spoke about everything under the sun and I was completely at ease with him. I did make sure to take some mental notes though. Not much passes under my radar!
First note that I found strange: He paid for his beer by debit. Don't ask me why I found this strange, but at happy hour 2 beer cost $6.00. Why did he not have $6.00 in cash? Second note: We had spoken before about skiing as he is an avid skier and I mentioned that I hadn't gone skiing since elementary school but intended on making it a goal this winter. He did not suggest ever taking me or going together. We spoke about it again last night, no mention. There was no mention of a second date. I look for that. When he finished his two beer, he explained that he wanted another beer, but not 2 as he was driving. He then asked me how much my drink had cost and if for the happy hour 2 for one special he could order one of my drinks and one beer. This caught me slightly off guard. I told him that I actually wouldn't mind having a beer and so he orders and pulls out the debit card once again. Now, I had my wallet stolen last January so I am extremely hesitant to walk around with cash. $200.00 - I won't do. $20, not an issue.
So we finished up our drinks and he had to get going. He asked me what what I was going to do that evening and I told him that I was going to stick around because a lot of my colleagues were at the bar and I was going to hang out with them for a bit. His parting words were " It was really great to meet you. I had a great time. We'll be in touch. I have a lot to do this week end but I'll give you a call yadda,yadda,yadda". I told him that it was great to meet him as well and that he was really entertaining. We parted ways and he headed for the washroom. I walked over to see some of the girls from work who saw me but didn't interrupt and were dying to know who I was talking to. On his way out he puts his hand on my shoulder and says bye once again. Pretty cute.
All this being said, I'm not sure if he was that interested. When a guy is interested, there usually isn't any confusion and it's pretty clear. This guy, not so sure. I'd love to see him again in a different setting, but frankly I'm not so sure it was mutual.
On a concrete and non-uncertain note, I was down 2.2 at this mornings' weigh in bringing me in to total of 61.4 lbs!! YAY!!!
The Santa Claus Parade is going on right outside my door. I'm not really in the mood for French Christmas carols right now so I'm going to blast my own music to drown out the outside and clean my place.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Why am I nervous? Simple answer: first impressions. 60 lbs later you'd think I'd be a lot more confident with my appearance and in some aspects I am- just not on the dating game. All I keep thinking about is that when we meet up, his first thought we'll be She's fat. Not ooh she's blond & blue-eyed. No no. FAT.
I've seen pictures of him & he seems pretty damned cute. The pictures that he's seen of me are head shots. Have I set him up to expect something different? How can I expect someone to look past my size if I can't? Am I just still thinking in the 60lbs ago tense? Will this be his first impression? I know, I know, if that's what he sees then why waste my time. I get it. I just can't help but obsess over it.
Monday, November 17, 2008
If anyone wants to follow along "virtually" please,please do! Feel free to: Right Click on the image on the right, save as, and post to your blog.
On a higher note, the Smart For Life fainting girl did have an awakening. She's finishing off her 7 packs of cookies and she's decided to, guess what... join Weight Watchers. She asked me today if sushi was allowed on Weight Watchers. I responded with an enthusiastic " Girlfriend, you can eat a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g you want". This is about fixing what's between your ears and then transforming your body. Weight Watchers teaches us what thin people already know: moderation. A great example: my mother. I can remember years back going for breakfast with my parents and this particular moment was permanently etched in my mind. I ordered breakfast with the works. One of those "construction worker" combos. My mother ordered a bagel with cream cheese. As I'm writing this I'm picturing the waitress placing the bagel in front of my mom. The bagel had about an inch and a half of cream cheese in between. I drooled. My mother? no no. My mothers exact words were " Oh my, this is far too much". She then proceeded to start scraping off the cream cheese! If it were me, I would have said Woo-hoo in a very Homer Simpson'esque way and devoured it. How could there be such a thing as too much cream cheese?
One of my friends who is also a WW member told me about an incident the other night where she made dinner for her boyfriend. Just as she set his place in front of him, his eyes popped out of his head. " Oh, there's way too much on my plate" he explained. How have I never in my life sincerely thought that there was too much on my plate? Why, if it's on my plate it's meant to be eaten of course.
How after years of watching my mothers eating habits did I not catch on? How did I not learn this? Both of my parents eat like birds. They never finish what is on their plates. It's always too much. It's always so rich. How did I not learn moderation from the same people that taught me how to eat,speak,walk,read etc etc??
Whenever people would refuse cake at a birthday, I sincerely believed that they were full. My aunts will always say " I'm so stuffed, I'll just have the tiniest of the tiniest piece". As a kid I just assumed that grown-ups didn't like icing. Little did I know that they probably secretly fantasized about licking the inside of the Betty Crocker frosting container just as much as I did. I truly believed that they just either didn't like sweets, or they had stomachs the same size as those of grasshoppers. I, on the other hand, had the food storing capabilities of a cross between a camel and a hamster and would never turn down a second slice or two.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I want at least a 2lb loss to report next week. I am oooonnnn!
I've started a six week challenge with some friends. We've all agreed to do our best to lose 10 lbs over the next six weeks. If we all hit that target, we're going out for dinner. Now, I know we're supposed to celebrate our weight loss triumphs with non-food rewards, but this is special. It's an excuse to have a celebratory dinner with friends and work together on a goal. We have six weeks to think of what we'd like to eat on that day. The whole deal is this: What would you really want to eat if it had zero consequences, no points to track, no hours on the treadmill etc etc.. That will be what you will have provided the 10 lbs is shed. Now there really is no way we can know for certain that each person lost 10 lbs, so we'll work on the honor system. Besides, it would feel kind of crummy to go knowing that you're lying to everyone there. The only one anyone would really be cheating is themselves.
On another note, one of the "Smart for Life" girls at work really proved that this diet isn't so smart after all. The poor thing ended up passing out at her desk. When she finally came to, I gave her a banana to eat to get her sugar up. When the paramedics arrived, they asked her if she had any history of blood pressure issues, diabetes, etc etc. I explained that she has been on a new weight loss regime. The paramedic grabbed the bag of cookies to read the nutritional information and his words were " What the bleeping bleep is this?!?!?!??!?! No wonder she fainted, her energy levels are depleted" The banana eventually worked it's magic and she managed to get a few more hours in at the office before going home.
The whole diet is as follows. Eat six of these cookies per day, followed by 3oz of lean meat (chicken or fish) and vegetables. You are guaranteed to lose at least 12 lbs a month. Each cookie counts for 100 calories, so at the end of the day you've only ingested 800 calories. This is absolutely insane. I could eat 800 calories a day on my own and save myself the $300/month it costs on cookies.
I work with four girls who are following this diet. I was getting a little fed up of them knocking Weight Watchers, because what they don't understand is that Weight Watchers is not a diet. It is a life style change. You will have to eat forever. You can't eat cookies forever. The brain has to be conditioned first and foremost. As much as I argue the benefits they are all simply looking for a get thin quick fix. I don't want to be there saying I told you so. It sounds mean, but I'm sort of glad something like this happened so they could see what kind of a toll this can take on your health.
I highly doubt that anyone who has ever been on a crash diet maintained the loss.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Does anyone know of any other breads that count for 1 pt for two slices? WW bread seems to be the only kind that I could find that boasts the low amount of points for two slices. Now granted, two slices equates to 1 regular slice of bread, but psychologically it just seems more because it's two.
I also must announce that I am completely and officially obsessed with Almond Breeze. How I have only tried it now is beyond me. It is simply divine. I bought the sweetened vanilla & chocolate. Talk about something yummy to drink straight from the carton. Don't worry, I live alone. I'm not spreading cooties!
Anyone have any yummy/low point suggestions for my big grocery order this week end?
I'm going out for dinner tonight to my favorite Mexican restaurant. I can't wait. I can wait for the W.I tomorrow however, I've been biting my nails....
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I was so happy to see the eliminated players return and see how well they've done at home. I really had tears in my eyes. I had even more tears in my eyes when I saw how childish the Blue Team behaved when Phil weighed in. Not one of them clapped. Now, I understand Amy's position. She had to play the part. Did she ever, ever make me happy when she voted Brady off.
Did anyone else catch a glimpse of the cover of Prevention magazine? The clip was really quick and I don't have a PVR but it looked like it was Michelle & Renee and they both looked extremely trim!
I busted out the Stepper last night & I was stepping along with the gang. I doubt I came any where close to 1000 steps, but it was fun to follow along! I was also commenting on Fat Bridesmaid's blog at the same time (love it) during commercial breaks.
All I can say is that I hope someone feeds Vicky twinkies in her sleep & she gets sent home. I'm not happy that Ed is back, but at least Brady is gone so that it's not the two couples. I think I would have stopped watching the show altogether.
You should all tune in to Fat Bridesmaids' live blog next week. It's my Tuesday night entertainment. She's posted an excellent recap of last nights' show. It's a must read for those who did & did not catch it last night.
That's all folks!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
This is what mine looked like:
I tracked 6 out 0f 7 days
I drank my water
I did not exceed my points allowance
I worked out 4 times
I was up .8- I tried.
She picked up all the papers and read out the answers to tally up the Yes & No votes. When mine was read (anonymously), every person in the room had a comment to make and I felt so relieved. I was reminded that our body does not know that it is 9:00 a.m. Saturday morning and that it must perform. Had I weighed myself the following day, the .8 might not have been there. Hormones are a dangerous thing. Increased exercise can add to a gain, etc etc etc. My note was considered a YES vote because I did try, I stuck to the plan, which meant that I was thinking of me.
I spent years of my life not voting for me. I accepted how I was and let it become part of my identity. I accepted that I could not shop in regular stores. I accepted that I did not like my body. I accepted that I was exhausted after a 20 min walk home. I accepted that my feet hurt regardless of the shoes I was wearing. I accepted that I felt pale in contrast to others. I voted for everyone but myself.
February 15 2008 marked a change in my "self-politics". I decided to vote for me. I decided that I wanted change and the only person stopping me from it was myself. Not being one to trust politicians, the trust and confidence I had in my actions had to be earned. They all talk the talk, but once in power, they seldom deliver. Not in this case. I voted myself in and I will continue to do so. I am confident in my actions because I know what I want and am determined to see it materialize. There has been a dramatic difference in my appearance and confidence over the past few months. I am delivering the changes I wanted. I'd vote for me again.
Here's a fun little story about my attempt at renting a movie last night. The video store (archaic term, I know) does not provide membership cards. Instead, they take a picture of you to store on their records. I had forgotten about this. Last night around 11 I ran out in my pj's to rent a movie. I take the case to the the cash and the clerk asks me for my phone number. I see him glancing at his monitor, then back at me, then back to his monitor. I was confused. I was starting to think that maybe I had a late fee that I had forgotten about, or the movie I wanted wasn't in etc etc. " This is not your account" he says. I gave him my # once again. " I'm sorry miss, this is not your account". " Of course it is, my telephone number is bla bla, my address is bla bla" I snap back. Then it clicked. " Oh, my picture" I say, turning 50 different shades of red. "I've changed a bit since then" I explained. I showed him some ID and managed to convince him that it was indeed me. He didn't argue any further. I grabbed my movies and ran out.
That felt great.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Ah yes, the smiling, radiant woman horseback riding along the beach dressed in head-to-toe white. The saddle is white. The horse is white. Her teeth are a freaky shade of white. The clouds are white. The sand is white. You get the picture. This brings me to back to my title: Are you kidding me? I don't care if you've bought every single pad at Shoppers and are wearing them all at once. No woman, and I mean no woman, will A. wear white, and B. be so F#$**ing smiley.
Can we please have a more realistic commercial? My marketing classes gravitated around teaching us how to advertise in a way that people can relate to- It sells. How tampax has not honed in on this is beyond me. Show me a woman sitting curled up on the couch with a giant zit on her cheek, oily hair, mascara streaks down the sides of her face because she just saw a tissue commercial and the little (again) white kitty is just oh so cute, a bag of lays on the table, and a scrunched up ball of foil from a caramilk bar. Show her popping the pill, taking a nap for an hour, and then waking up feeling less crampy. I may just buy this medication.
Can you guess that TOM has arrived?
My dinner tonight was a granny smith apple with tostitos. It was a delicious combination, but I'm certain I'll look back next week and have another opinion.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Going out for dinner last night was quite an adventure. The menu made me cringe. Every item seemed to have the words drenched, battered, glazed,crispy,smothered,tantalizing,melt in your mouth, Oh the list goes on.
I settled on the most WW friendly item on the menu: a chicken brochette with salad and rice. Not an entirely terrible choice. Thankfully the waiter quickly came to take our orders so I didn't have time to change my mind. We were minding our own business waiting for the food to arrive when the waiter came to see us. " A large group has just come in and we're going to need for you to change tables" he says. " My manager is offering each of you an appetizer on the house". I cringed. I wanted to crawl under the table.
My friends agreed to accept the appetizers. I just said that I didn't want to spoil my appetite for my dish because I was really looking forward to it. I gave myself a mental pat on the back and watched them devour the cheesy potato skins, garlic bread, calamari, and the spinach dip with nachos.
No sooner had we finished our plates, the waiter is back at our table. "I'm sorry to bother you again ladies. We will need to move you to another table. The manager has offered coffee and dessert for your trouble" He explains. "We're terribly sorry for the inconvenience" He continues to take our plates away and moves us to our new table.
The dessert options are posted on some sort of flip card that sits in the middle of the table. Sweets are my kryptonite so it was my mission to make all of the desserts sound revolting. " The carrot cake is probably dry.The cheese cake probably has that gross skin on the outside from sitting in a rotating display case. Eew, can you imagine how over-sweet the chocolate cake is? Ice cream, puh-lease. It's probably been sitting in a bin in a freezer somewhere underneath ten layers of ice crystals".
My remarks didn't steer my friends away from the choices, but I am proud to say that I did not give in. I had a coffee and that was it. Funny how when things are free we suddenly want them. No one had voluntarily ordered a starter and no one was even considering ordering dessert. Insert the words free or on the house and suddenly we're all singing a different tune. If I wasn't planning on having it, I won't.
My WI was not so terrible considering my eating habits & lack of exercise this week. I was up .06 and was pretty shocked about it. I was expecting a 2 lb gain. I'm going to kick some serious ass this week.
Friday, October 31, 2008
So I was feeling somewhat creative this morning and did decide to dress up for work. I figured what could be better than sitting in a t-shirt & leggings at the office? It was a great way to be extremely comfortable at work sans the business attire and show team spirit at the same time. Authentic 80's attire here. If only my shoes could have shown up in the pic: L.A Gear, anyone?
The chocolates & candies have been flying around the office but that's ok! I enjoyed 1 mini-aero with my coffee, tracked it, and moved on! The water cooler has been owned, and uhm.. so has the ladies room.
Anyone else in blogland dressed up today?
H-A-L-L-O Boo boo! W-E-E and an N!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Wake up with: Tea + WW toast w/ cream cheese: 3 pts
Get to the office: Coffee + 2 mini muffins+ 4 pts
Getting closer to lunch: More WW toast w/ apple butter, banana, 1/2 cup special k: 4 pts
Lunch: TV Dinner, Yogurt, All Bran Bar, Chocolate Single, Apple: 9 pts
Afternoon Snack: Huge cup of tea, bag popcorn, cheese slice: 4 pts
Supper: 2 hamburgers (1/2 cup of beef so they're small) w/onion chive c.cheese on ww bread w/tomatoes,lettuce,ketchup. 1, yes 1, entire butternut squash, mushrooms, 1 baked sweet potato: 10
Dessert/Evening Snack: more popcorn, apple, cheese,chocolate (in rotation) approx 3 pts depending on which I chose that night.
37 PTS! Can you believe it? AND to top it off? The exercise I've done this week: taking the stairs when I get home. I live on the 11th floor, but still. Insufficient.
I startled myself when I snapped out of a mindless eating coma yesterday. An old,old habit came out of no where and bit me. I did make a rule that I'm not allowed to eat unless I'm sitting down and what do you know? I catch myself eating out of the fridge. The killer? I was picking at my lunch for the next day.
What on earth came over me? What caused this food trance?
Any thoughts on how my W.I will go on Sat? Any tips on what to do for the next 2 days to possibly cancel out my naughtiness?
Monday, October 27, 2008
I'm feeling pumped. She couldn't have written this at a better time.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
The lovely Jordanna has tagged me. I will now list 6 Interesting things about myself (or at least I think are interesting if not quirky or odd). My "tag" victims will appear at the bottom & I best see this copied =)
1. Jordanna and I have something in common. We're both in finance. Oddly enough, I graduated with a degree in graphic design and somehow ended up in retirement planning.
2. I'm a restless sleeper. I envy those that sleep like the dead. Making my bed in the morning would be so much easier if I didn't have to put the sheets back on! I don't mind too much... activity points while in R.E.M? Ha!
3. My favorite condiment is ketchup. Always has been. I buy the family-sized tub & I live alone if that offers any insight. Heinz only though. You can't fool me. I can tell the difference just like Coke & Pepsi.
4. I'm half Polish/half Irish. Now with this mix-matched ethnic composition you'd assume that I have alcohol for blood and potatoes for eyes. Unfortunately I am allergic to sulfites and since many, many different types of alcohols contain sulfites, I break out in hives when I drink. A Pol that is allergic to Vodka? That is I. Do I ignore the symptoms? We'll leave that to another post.
5. I hate socks but am an avid shoe collector . If I could live in a world/climate where being bare foot was the norm I'd be set. In summer months I'm in flip flops 90 % of the time- it's the closest thing to being bare foot!
6. I am a neat freak. I'm comparable to Monica on Friends. OCD, anyone?
This was the best I could do for a lazy and rainy Saturday afternoon!
Who have I chosen to tag you ask?
3.True Heart Girl
Butterfly Out (Ha, Take that Seacrest!)
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
I am urging you all to read Charlotte's post at: http://thegreatfitnessexperiment.blogspot.com/
What an absolutely fantastic, eloquently written, and thought-provoking topic.
For all of my Fitness Queens, please read Mizfit's post from Oct 18 " The Blog Free Wonder" @ http://mizfitonline.com/2008/10/18/commenter-of-the-month/
Really really enjoyed this read. Gotta admire a woman who's got so much to say & no time to maintain a blog hehehhe! Really awesome chica. Lovin' da Mizfit!
I'd like to thank all the ladies who commented on my last post. Sharing your thoughts really helped me get my own together. I do hope that feeling fat or always thinking about it eventually becomes a thing of the past, although I'm not sure it's something I could ever not feel or think of. I thought the same when I quit smoking. I wondered if I'd ever identify myself as a non-smoker or if my cravings would ever go away. Thankfully they did. I can't even imagine myself as a smoker nor do I ever crave a smoke and it's only been a year and a half.
Made Bananas Foster in the crock pot last night. Totally delicious over vanilla yogurt for breakfast. A 4 point breakfast is a-ok with me!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Today's meeting was actually pretty emotional. For some reason almost half of the usual crowd did not come. Now that some reason is most likely because they too celebrated Thanksgiving all week and didn't want to face the scale. We spoke a lot about motivation and determination. A lot of members shared some pretty personal emotional issues. Although the meeting was nothing compared to the usual peppy & perky vibe, it really helped. Our Saturday morning never runs the 30 mins that it should. We usually spend so much time talking that they run between an hour and an hour and a half- no complaints from me!
An issue I've been dealing with almost feels like some sort of identity crisis. I've had weight issues ever since I was a child. I can remember a time when I was six years old and an aunt I hadn't seen since I was 3-4 came to visit. She had bought me this red one piece snow suit, but probably was a size for a four-year old. I remember her trying to force the zipper up, my arms suspended in the air because the suit was just soo tight. The worst: I remember her saying " You've got to lose weight,child". This scarred me. A child of that age need not think of their weight but pretty much since that moment I have identified myself as fat. Now this isolated incident did not in itself send me spiraling into years of weight issues. It's always more complex. I cannot blame it on anyone. Food has always been there as comfort. I cannot think of a time in my life where my weight was not my obsession. I've grown up with the thoughts of " when I'll be thin I'll do xyz" or " just wait until I lose weight then they'll see". Like that ridiculous saying goes " there's a thin girl hiding inside of every fat one". Stupid, but I always felt it was true. I always felt like my life would start once I was such and such size. Suddenly my life will begin and I will live happily ever after because once I'm of "normal size" people will now know the real me. What I'm feeling now is this: If I won't be the fat girl anymore, then who will I be? Will I always identify myself as a fat girl? Will I ever rid myself of this feeling?
Because being fat has been part of my identity for so long, I'm starting to think that maybe deep down inside I've almost used it as an excuse. My weight has been some sort of shield. "Oh, they don't like me because I'm fat, but if I were thin they wouldn't treat me like this". My brain has always been my most prized possession. Perhaps I'm afraid that once I get the physical out of the way, I'll feel like people can start judging that? I don't know. I have so many thoughts going on all at once now. I've spent the morning waiting to shout Eureka, I've got it! I now have cracked the code and get it. There isn't just one answer and that's why I'll never have this type of epiphany.
Eating disorders are extremely extremely complex. The difference between it and say for example drug abuse or alcoholism is that the disorder is presented on the outside. You can't hide your addiction. This is one of the reasons that I've started to get somewhat defensive when people ask me " now tell me, just how much have you lost?". You wouldn't ask the same type of question to a recovering anorexic " so just how much weight have you put on?" or " so how much do you eat now compared to before?". How about asking someone who declared bankruptcy who's now got their finances in control about their spending habits and ask them to compare their ways before and after. It's such a touchy topic.
I'm usually such a chipper and optimistic person. Now, just because I'm in a self-analytical mood doesn't mean I have to be in a bad one either. I just need to wrap my head around a few things. Our meeting today was extremely therapeutic and one thing I said made me stop in my tracks right after the words escaped my mouth. The leader was asking us what our goals were and why we set them. I said that my goal was to weigh 135. When the leader asked me why I set that goal, my response was " because at that point I will not be overweight and I'll be happy in my skin".
Why can't I be happy in my skin now?
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Thanksgiving was just fantastic. What could be better than great food & time with my family?
Saturday, October 11, 2008
This week was all about the squash. I ate about 3 medium-sized butternut squash this week. I just couldn't get enough. When I read up on the nutritional information, I decided that this has to be the best thing out there. 1 cup of butternut squash has something like 300% of the Vitamin A you need in a day. It has anti-inflamatory agents, fights & prevents cancer, is full of fiber- the list goes on! I also made a spaghetti squash caserole and it was simply to die for.
I have two Thanksgiving dinners to go to this week end. Scary I know! Tonights won't be so bad as it's at another WW members' house and she's got everything under control. I'm more worried about dinner at my moms tomorrow. The WW meeting today was all about Thanksgiving and being prepared for it. We created a mock menu and even then the total point amount was astounding. Our menu was even all about being careful and it was still insanely high in points. We just have to remind ourselves that we didn't get to our high weights by eating pumpkin pie once per year and to enjoy ourselves. I'm already drooling thinking about the potatoe casserole that my aunt is bringing tomorrow. I think there's about 10 different cheeses in it and it is what I would describe as Heaven On Earth.
Time for the treadmill.
Happy Thanksgiving my fellow Canadians!!!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
I have to vent about this situation because it leaves me completely frustrated. I have a friend who is/was a Weight Watchers member. They were actually one of the people that initially persuaded me into joining. She had lost over 75 lbs, and counting. She met a new guy last June, and sort of let herself go. She stopped going to the meetings, stopped tracking, and stopped returning my calls because she probably knew I was calling to know why she hasn't been at the meetings. When we finally did get together, she explained that she was tired of tracking points and her new man likes her "just the way she is". She apparently took this as a license to completely stop caring for herself. " He likes me how I am now, and wouldn't care if I weighed 500 lbs" she told me. " Well that's great that he likes you regardless" I said. "But what about yourself? Are you happy in your skin regardless of your size?" "Yes" She answered. I figured I wouldn't push it and let it go. I haven't seen her since June. Sadly, she hinted to me that she's gained back a very large percentage of what she lost and she's almost back to square one. That was in September. " We're very much in love still" She tells me.
A month later, her tune has changed. They are not very much in love. He has been avoiding her. She tells me that it's because he has a busy schedule. She later confesses that he asked for space because their relationship was so intense so fast and he needs to get his thoughts together. This may be part of the reason, but I know better. We are visual creatures, but men take the cake in that department. She no longer looks like the woman he met and hasn't taken very long for her to change. He's no longer attracted to her.
How do I motivate her to get back on track without her feeling like I'm thinking "I told you so"? I haven't seen her in months and I'm almost afraid to because I'm afraid of how I will react when I see her. I don't want her to see the shock in my eyes but it's practically impossible. I guess I'm the one that's avoiding her. With such a substantial gain, it's not like I could say that I didn't notice!
Any words from the wise?
Saturday, September 27, 2008
I said I would have a successful week and I did! I was down 2.6, which has me weighing in at 189. So exciting! Leave it to me, your typical Gemini, to not even let myself enjoy it because I'm already thinking about racing through the 80's and getting into the 70's. I have to remind myself sometimes to slow down and smell the flowers as they say.
This weekend will be 80's inspired. The weather is absolutely miserable, so I'm going to pull out Flash Dance, Dirty Dancing, A Fish called Wanda, Back to the Future and whatever other 80's movie DVD that I can find so I can enjoy a cozy week end in, and remind myself of where I am.
I'm off to clean the house, and you can bet that my play list will be nothing but 80's classics. These are all little reminders for me to enjoy the moment.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
A fellow Weight Watcher & I! We both didn't know that we were on the program as we hadn't seen eachother since January. It goes without saying that we were pleasantly surprised to see eachother.
The Extravagant Head table
Yummy yummy yummy! This cake fed all 310 of us
The Beautiful Bride & Groom
Myself and the Maid of Honor
The dress that I finally chose to wear. I was worried it wasn't going to be fancy enough, but it was perfect! I am no longer afraid of the camera. Had this Wedding taken place 6 months ago, I can guarantee that I would not be in any of the pictures.
I'm posting these pictures and at the same time I'm thinking " My GD, one day these are going to be part of my before pictures".
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Here is a picture of me in May 2007, and one of me from just last week end.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
This was a terrible T.O.M. The water retention was absolutely insane. Now that I'm thinner, I can actually note swelling, and boy was it there. I noted a 5 lb weight increase on one day alone. I know very well to avoid salts, but the TOM devil spoke louder than my logic. I was not on track this week. I tracked breakfast & lunch, but somehow left out dinner & the snacks that followed. All I wanted to eat was chocolate/salt/sweet carbs. I swear if there was such thing as a Deep-fried chocolate covered salt cube, I would have been all over it!
I will be on track this week. I feel pumped. This was just a minor set back, and the W.I that follows TOM is usually a very very good one. I usually have 3-4 lb losses so I'll kick some but and make sure of it!
The Bachelorette part was a B-L-A-S-T!!!! I'm glad that we got to treat my friend like a real princess and have a real girls night. I'll try to post some pics soon.
Have a great week everyone! Don't do what I did!
OOPS. Forgot to add this link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21627769/?pg=1#TDY_Joy_Fit_Club_Sept08
AWESOME & MOTIVATIONAL ARTICLE. LOVED IT.
You might be a scale-freak if, prior to hopping on your scale: http://fattyfreeme.blogspot.com/
I read this post over an hour ago and I'm still giggling.
Friday, September 5, 2008
This is scary for me. My Weigh Ins are what keep me going, not to mention the fact that I busted some a$$ this week and I wanted to have it on paper. Oh well, it'll just be an even bigger loss to note next week.
I have a bachelorette party tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. The itinerary is HUGE. The evening will start out with dinner at a really fancy Italian restaurant (muchos $$$).
After dinner, we will head out to this awesome karaoke bar, and belt out some cheeseball tunes. We will then proceed to a male strip club. I've been once before for another stagette, and surprisingly, the men were rather handsome. I did find myself having a hard time staring at anything but my lap, but hey...
After the strip club, we've rented a V.I.P room to a club, and will have four bottles of vodka waiting for us. We're 15 girls, so it's going to be pretty wild!
An added detail that I found out in error from the brides' sister: They've hired a stripper to be at their hotel room at 3 a.m. for a private performance. I was actually shocked when she told me this, because they're such "proper" girls. I don't know if I was more shocked that she hired someone, or the fact that she said the word stripper!
This bachelorette party is rather lavish-they even rented a limo. I would have been a little bit more excited about the whole thing, except for the fact that it was so last minute. I'm one of the few that don't live with my parents, so I need time to budget these things. This whole evening is going to debit my bank account by about $300 !! Oh well, it'll be a fun time and an awesome memory. At least I'm saving on the $15 for the weigh in!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Going for my evening walk/run is not even a chore right now. I'm really pumped, and I love seeing just how much mileage I can clock in. I'm not like a lot of people who are able to run for extended periods of time. Blame it on having asthma, and the fact that I've never been a runner.
I tend to run in intervals. I'll run for about two full city blocks, slow down to a jog and then to a fast walk. This doesn't sound like much, but I'd like to add that the city is built on a mountain. My entire run/jog/walk begins uphill, and once I'm at the top, I walk my way down.
I'm averaging about 7-7.5 km each night- not too bad for someone who used to be exhausted after walking 1 km.
Was down another 1.8 last week, so I'm almost but almost out of the 190's!
Have a great week everyone!
Monday, August 25, 2008
No one ever told me that I'd want to 'photoshop' or throw away all the old pictures of myself.
No one ever told me that I'd be permanently referred to as " the girl who lost a $hit load of weight".
No one ever told me that I'd resent the person I was and be so angry with myself for staying that way for so long.
No one ever told me that I'd almost wish no one ever knew me before so I wouldn't be "formerly known as fat".
No one ever told me that I'd now have people be comfortable with telling me how they felt about my looks before, forgetting that it's still who I am now.
No one ever told me that I'd turn into a Susan Powter wannabe and preach weight loss to those around me.
No one ever told me that I'd have such a hard time wrapping my head around this whole transformation.
No one ever told me that I'd want to show before pictures of myself to the guys that have suddenly shown interest and ask if they would have liked me then.
Now don't get me wrong, there are so many wonderful things coming out of this "transformation". I am a very happy girl and I'm delighted with my results. Sounds like a major rant I know, but these are a few little things that have me frustrated. I'm only half way there and I still have a ways to go with plenty more things to experience and discover. I love and welcome change and I'm excited just thinking about all of the new things that are going to take place in my life aside from weight loss.
Has anyone else come across something that shocked you during or after your weight loss?
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Now that I've finished her book (which didn't take much time as I couldn't put it down), I don't know where to begin. I guess I'll start here: go and buy this book. She is a phenomenal writer and her weight loss memoir really hit close to home. I'm certain that anyone who has battled with obesity will relate to her story and find themselves feeling like their thoughts have been extracted from their minds, put out on paper, and published by Seal Press.
Jennette's way of putting in to words what so many of us have thought and felt is absolutely brilliant. Not only would I recommend this book to anyone who is going through a weight-loss journey themselves, but also to someone who has never had a weight problem and wants to know just how "they let themselves get that big".
Her honest recount of her weight loss journey had me laughing out loud (yes I was the crazy lady on the subway laughing alone) and repeatedly saying "exactly, that is so true"- to myself of course.
Please, go buy this book. If you can't find it at your local bookstore (they were SOLD OUT when I went), there's always www.amazon.ca !! The book will be in your mailbox in under 3 days. Honest!!
Now that that's out, let me vent about my week. My scale had me weighing in around 191 for the most part of the week and then Thursday and Friday happened. Happy Hour on Thursday turned into Happily Closing the bar. I somehow made it through the day at work (thank you Starbucks) and found myself yet again happy hour'ing. I was so on track. I knew that my Malibu Cranberry drinks were 3 pts a piece. Somehow my math skills quickly go down the drain the more intoxicated I am. I don't know how many drinks I had, or how I got home.
So I now I can blame it all on dehydration. Saturday's weigh in had me down 1.6 lbs to 195 lbs. It could have been a lot better, but I'm not going to spit on a 1.6 lb loss considering that I probably drank an entire bottle of rhum to myself in 48 hrs and not to mention that TOM was in town. This is the first time I have EVER lost during TOM.
So I had some fun, lost some weight, ate some chocolate, and popped two advil every four hours.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Not only am I amused with the reappearance of my estranged collar bone, but I also am quite happy to see my knuckles when my hand is relaxed. Unlike most people, I had dimples instead. I guess I'm just amazed to see that I have a skeletal structure and I'm not just a distant relative of the Pillsbury Dough Boy!
My scale has been showing me weighing in at around 191 lbs for the past 2 days. I highly doubt that I've lost 5 lbs since Saturday, especially since TOM is scheduled to fly in to town this week. Well we'll just have to wait and find out on Saturday. If I'm already on my way out of the 190's I'm thrilled!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
I haven't had an " I can see it in your face" moment for a while- until yesterday. One of my colleagues stops me in the copy room, and decides it would then be appropriate to pet at my waist line. " Wow, it's really starting to show". What is starting to show I wonder? Do I look pregnant??? No, she means my weight loss is starting to show. Then, my second favorite " How much have you lost now?" I'm tired of telling people how much I've lost. At the beginning I was thrilled to brag, and now I'm more embarrassed. By telling people how much I've lost, it gives them an idea as to how much more I have to go, and what a mess I was in to begin with. Now because this woman is overweight as well I feel that she could relate, I murmur " oh, about 50 lbs". And then it happened " Yeah, I can see it in your face". My face you say? HAHAHA!!!
We went from grabbing my waist to telling me that the 50 lbs shows in my face, and that it's only NOW starting to show. I know, I know, they were trying to be nice, but those types of remarks really leave an imprint on my mind. Could we not just talk about the fax or photocopy machine or better yet, the water cooler?
Ben & Jerry's are out to get me. Call me paranoid, but there are just too many coincidences:
On my way home, it starts to rain. I didn't have an umbrella, and it started to rain hard. I had to run for cover. The only option available - that's right, you guessed it : Ben & Jerry's. I walked in with full confidence: I'll just pretend to look at the ice cream flavors, and when the rain calms down I will leave. Well, I swing open the door, and the smell of freshly made waffle cones hits me. I had no choice but to run out of there as fast as I could. By the time I got home, my blouse was transparent, and would have won a wet t-shirt contest hands down. Zero competition.
I was out of popcorn, and had to stop by the grocery store. As I make my way down the aisle, something sparkles out of the corner of my eye. And there is a 6 foot poster with the words " four pints of Ben & Jerry's for $9.00". SHOOT ME NOW. Again, I bee-lined out of the grocery store. HA HA! I feel like some sort of super hero with all of the food villains out after me.
I just got back from the store, and my friend calls me to say " Hey, it's free cone day at Ben & Jerry's and I could die for a cone right now, are you in?" I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. For the love of God, may the evil ice cream devil leave me be!
I am happy to say that I declined. Let's see what else gets thrown my way tomorrow. 1 more day until weigh in.
To all those that commented on my ONDERLAND post, thank you ever so much! It really means a lot to me to receive such fantastic feedback.
Butterfly has left the building.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
I was so choked when I weighed in this morning. They modified the meeting room, so now we can no longer see the number on the scale as the screen is behind the counter.. Some people don't know how much they weigh, which I understand because at first I did not want to know either.
I stepped up onto the scale, and exhaled (hey, air weighs something right?). The set of eyes behind the counter lit up. " You're down 5.4 this week. This puts you at 197 lbs". I felt the tears well up. I wanted to bawl my eyes out and jump for joy all at the same time. I did it I did it I did it!!!!
February 15, 2008, a very sad girl started her weight loss journey weighing in at 245 lbs, and only standing at 5 feet 2 inches tall. Today, July 26, 2008, that same girl weighs in at 197 lbs (yes, my height has remained the same LOL). YAY, YAY, and.... YAY!!!!!!
I'm aiming to hit my goal weight by my birthday next year. I want to hit my goal on May 22, 2009. I know another 60 lbs is quite ambitious for that date, but I'm going to try to do whatever I can to make it there.
Today is a very happy day.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
We did two excursions: A catamaran boat trip, and a day tour of Havana. Am I ever happy that we did both! The catamaran was absolutely amazing. We were able to jump off the boat in the middle of the ocean to swim over the coral reef and see the most beautiful fish ever. We then ate lunch on a deserted island which was just fantastic. We feasted on Lobster, Shrimp and Fish. All LP foods! We swam around the coast of the island, and back on the boat to go SWIM WITH DOLPHINS!!!!!! What a beautiful day!
Two days later, we went to Havana which is an incredible city that is just crying for help. The town has so much potential- probably the most beautiful architecture I've ever seen in my life but just falling apart. It's such a shame to see such beauty go to waste. We spent the entire day touring old and new Havana. I wonder sometimes why I live in such a frigid climate, but realize that we can't have it all. Yes Montreal is iced over more than half the year, but at least I'm not on food rations living in a home that should be condemned. Hopefully Fidel's brother will turn Cuba around.
On a higher note, we danced the night away every single night! We met some fantastic people on the resort who partied with us the whole week. Yes I definitely indulged and was on an unlimited Pina Colada diet, but I came back 2.4 lbs lighter! I am now 2.2 lbs away from ONDERLAND. These last ten lbs feel like they've been taking forever to shed. TOM is back, so this week will obviously not be the week I hit the below 200 mark. When I start to think negatively like this I have to keep reminding myself just how well I've done and how far I've come since February. I'm almost 45 lbs lighter and counting!
On yet another high note I'll share a little story. About 6-7 years ago, I made my first online purchase. At the time, plus sized clothing hadn't yet made the change it had. The options available in Canada were not as vast as in the U.S. Plus sized clothing here forced us into a style well beyond our years. Sequins & Floral patterns on a teen? I had ordered a pair of white jeans from a clothing store that specialized in 14+ clothes for a younger crowd. I always had it in my head that american clothes were made large, so ordered a size lower than I was at the time.
My parcel finally arrived, and I eagerly jumped out of my clothes to try on my new pants. The tears started to fall: I couldn't get the jeans up past my knees. I had been planning outfits around these pants. I'll never forget this moment. Was I really that big? Maybe they sent the wrong size?
I started getting rid of some of my "fat clothes" this week end. As I near the back of my closet, the white pants make their appearance. They've been with me through 3 moves and I've always told myself that one day I'll get in them which is why I've held on to them for so long. I was about to toss them into the donation bag without even trying them on. I just thought about all the other times I had tried them on only to be disapointed. I thought to myself, what the hell, just try 'em on. To my surprise and utter amazement, the jeans are WAY TOO BIG now!! The tears started to fall again, only this time out of sheer joy!
On this note, I'll bid adieu and will report back once I've hit ONDERLAND.