Saturday, October 4, 2008

Still in the 80's

I was a little nervous for my Weigh In this morning. I went out for drinks on Thursday, and even though I count the "beverages" in to my points, alcohol & weight loss do not mix. My body seems to just go haywire and no matter how well I did all week, I throw it off with the alcohol. I was so worried that I was going to bump myself back into the 90's, but I didn't. I was down by .08 which is great.

I have to vent about this situation because it leaves me completely frustrated. I have a friend who is/was a Weight Watchers member. They were actually one of the people that initially persuaded me into joining. She had lost over 75 lbs, and counting. She met a new guy last June, and sort of let herself go. She stopped going to the meetings, stopped tracking, and stopped returning my calls because she probably knew I was calling to know why she hasn't been at the meetings. When we finally did get together, she explained that she was tired of tracking points and her new man likes her "just the way she is". She apparently took this as a license to completely stop caring for herself. " He likes me how I am now, and wouldn't care if I weighed 500 lbs" she told me. " Well that's great that he likes you regardless" I said. "But what about yourself? Are you happy in your skin regardless of your size?" "Yes" She answered. I figured I wouldn't push it and let it go. I haven't seen her since June. Sadly, she hinted to me that she's gained back a very large percentage of what she lost and she's almost back to square one. That was in September. " We're very much in love still" She tells me.

A month later, her tune has changed. They are not very much in love. He has been avoiding her. She tells me that it's because he has a busy schedule. She later confesses that he asked for space because their relationship was so intense so fast and he needs to get his thoughts together. This may be part of the reason, but I know better. We are visual creatures, but men take the cake in that department. She no longer looks like the woman he met and hasn't taken very long for her to change. He's no longer attracted to her.

How do I motivate her to get back on track without her feeling like I'm thinking "I told you so"? I haven't seen her in months and I'm almost afraid to because I'm afraid of how I will react when I see her. I don't want her to see the shock in my eyes but it's practically impossible. I guess I'm the one that's avoiding her. With such a substantial gain, it's not like I could say that I didn't notice!

Any words from the wise?


Anonymous said...

you know, take it from some one who has gone down the ww track up and down several times in her life, it is very hard to get back on the track. I have had people ask me to come back, and i took offense with it every time, i would contact her and just be you, i wouldn't mention anything about her coming back the first or even second time, she will see it with you, that u are happy and how fab u like, and when she starts the conversation, tell her how much you miss going with her and that you would love her to come back, thats just my advice, i hope everything works out

MeltingLisa said...

Grrrr, I hate that we allow ourselves to think like that, poor girl I feel for her.

You have been a fantastic friend already, encouraging her and being there for her. I agree with Manda above my post, she will come to the decision on her own, just be there for her.

Congrats on the 0.8 down btw! yay!

A True Heart Girl in Jersey said...

I'm no where near wise....but I will say that just like with any other addictive or self-destructive behavior, the person has to reach the place of wanting to change on their own. And all you can do is be there for her if/when she gets there. I am struggling so much myself but I know that no one can make me get back on track except me.

carla said...

I really like what THGinJ said. that all you can do is be there for her now, sure, and BE THERE FOR HER WHEN SHE HITS AS FAR AS SHE WILL FALL.

no matter how she reacts or tries to push you away then---she will need you.


Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, I was one of those girls who tended to take care of my body when I was single, then put myself on the back burner when I was in a relationship. single=thin; love=FAT!

When I got married is when the pounds really piled on! I don't know what finally clicked in my head to change things around, but all of a sudden my blinders came off and I realized I needed to start being a little selfish!

Maybe talk to her and ask her to help YOU. Tell her its hard going at it alone, and you need a friend to keep you accountable & will tell it like it is. Instead of focusing on her, draw the attention on your weightloss. Does that make any sense?

Then once she's onboard, and you feel the time is right, have a heart to heart.

You are an awesome friend. I really hope everything works out.

butterfly said...

You're all absolutely right. Thank you oh Wise ones!

I myself had to hit an all time low (a huge up on the scale) to get my butt in gear.

I think it's the same with any addiction/disorder. You eventually get to a point where you say ENOUGH.

I'll let her come to me, and I'll just tell her that I need her support right now..

Thanks ladies!!