So, TOM had me up .8. No biggie. The meeting felt as if it was customized to me. This weeks topic was about elections. The leader gave each of us a piece of paper and instructed us to write down whether or not we voted for ourselves based on how our week went.
This is what mine looked like:
I tracked 6 out 0f 7 days
I drank my water
I did not exceed my points allowance
I worked out 4 times
I was up .8- I tried.
She picked up all the papers and read out the answers to tally up the Yes & No votes. When mine was read (anonymously), every person in the room had a comment to make and I felt so relieved. I was reminded that our body does not know that it is 9:00 a.m. Saturday morning and that it must perform. Had I weighed myself the following day, the .8 might not have been there. Hormones are a dangerous thing. Increased exercise can add to a gain, etc etc etc. My note was considered a YES vote because I did try, I stuck to the plan, which meant that I was thinking of me.
I spent years of my life not voting for me. I accepted how I was and let it become part of my identity. I accepted that I could not shop in regular stores. I accepted that I did not like my body. I accepted that I was exhausted after a 20 min walk home. I accepted that my feet hurt regardless of the shoes I was wearing. I accepted that I felt pale in contrast to others. I voted for everyone but myself.
February 15 2008 marked a change in my "self-politics". I decided to vote for me. I decided that I wanted change and the only person stopping me from it was myself. Not being one to trust politicians, the trust and confidence I had in my actions had to be earned. They all talk the talk, but once in power, they seldom deliver. Not in this case. I voted myself in and I will continue to do so. I am confident in my actions because I know what I want and am determined to see it materialize. There has been a dramatic difference in my appearance and confidence over the past few months. I am delivering the changes I wanted. I'd vote for me again.
Here's a fun little story about my attempt at renting a movie last night. The video store (archaic term, I know) does not provide membership cards. Instead, they take a picture of you to store on their records. I had forgotten about this. Last night around 11 I ran out in my pj's to rent a movie. I take the case to the the cash and the clerk asks me for my phone number. I see him glancing at his monitor, then back at me, then back to his monitor. I was confused. I was starting to think that maybe I had a late fee that I had forgotten about, or the movie I wanted wasn't in etc etc. " This is not your account" he says. I gave him my # once again. " I'm sorry miss, this is not your account". " Of course it is, my telephone number is bla bla, my address is bla bla" I snap back. Then it clicked. " Oh, my picture" I say, turning 50 different shades of red. "I've changed a bit since then" I explained. I showed him some ID and managed to convince him that it was indeed me. He didn't argue any further. I grabbed my movies and ran out.
That felt great.
5 months ago